


crossing lines

by tentoheaven (firstmins)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Attempt at Humor, Drinking, First Time Blow Jobs, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Jealousy, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Mark Lee Are Best Friends, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Minor Mark Lee/Nakamoto Yuta, Miscommunication, Party, Texting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:15:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24772240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firstmins/pseuds/tentoheaven
Summary: Lowering his phone, Mark turns to him with his face scrunched up in disgust. “Dude, I love you and you can tell me anything yada yada. But I really don’t need to know your horny thoughts about our best friend.”Donghyuck sputters, “they’re not horny thoughts! I’m just saying I’m physically attracted to Jaemin—”“Horny thoughts.”(In which Donghyuck and Jaemin kiss, avoid each other and really,reallyneed to stop making assumptions.)
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin
Comments: 35
Kudos: 355





	crossing lines

**Author's Note:**

> Don't ask me what this is, I don't know. It's different than what I'm used to writing, but I still had a good time and I hope you will too!  
> As always, thank you [Ari](https://twitter.com/kunclipse) for being an angel and fixing my many mistakes ♥

As with many things, it’s all Mark’s fault.

“Yo, your brother is throwing a party this Saturday, right?”

Donghyuck looks up from his phone to where Mark is lying on the foot of his bed, staring at the ceiling.

After a pause, he answers with more than a little suspicion, “yeah.”

Sure enough, Mark bites his lip in that nervous way he often does, still not meeting Donghyuck’s gaze.

“Do you think you could get me in?” He asks, sounding hopeful.

“You know I don’t usually go to those parties,” Donghyuck answers truthfully. He’s always much preferred drinking with friends than going to loud and crowded parties. Johnny’s parties sometimes form an exception, when his big brother manages to convince him to come.

Besides. “Why would _you_ even want to go? I doubt there are many people you know.”

Mark finally looks at him, a sheepish grin on his lips. “I was kinda hoping you and the others could come along? Jaemin already agreed, if you’re okay with it, but Jeno and Renjun still need some convincing.”

“You’ve planned this all out, huh,” he scoffs, but there are no hard feelings. “You still haven’t answered my first question, though.”

The tip of Mark’s ears turn red and Donghyuck grins widely. “Oh, _I see_.” He crawls over to Mark, whose sheepish expression attains a hint of fear. There are already excuses tumbling out of his lips, but it’s too late.

“Does little Markie have a _cruuush_?” He teases in a high pitched voice. Mark rolls his eyes, but the blush on his cheeks betrays him.

“It’s not a crush!”

“So you admit there’s someone?” He asks, wiggling his eyebrows. It’s enough to make Mark groan and throw a pillow at him, which Donghyuck skillfully dodges. He’s had years of practice, after all.

“Wait, so it’s someone older?” Donghyuck continues, ignoring Mark’s complaints. “Considering they’re going to Johnny’s party.”

“I plead the fifth,” is the mumbled response, which only confirms his suspicions.

“How _scandalous._ ”

Mark sits up, covering his cheeks with his hands as if that would hide his embarrassment. “Are you in or not?”

“Sure, anything for love.”

Donghyuck laughs out loud when Mark flips him off. Some things never change.

On Friday noon they all meet for lunch, as always. It’s a tradition that started somewhere during Mark’s last last year in highschool, as a way to make the best of their last year together, and they’ve been keeping it up since. Granted, more often than not at least one of them is too busy to join in, but it’s still nice.

Donghyuck sees it as a perfect opportunity to convince Renjun and Jeno to go to Johnny’s party, because there’s no way he’s only going with Mark and Jaemin. The first would probably go after his mysterious crush the moment they set foot in the house and Jaemin, well. He’ll probably find someone to make out with as well, leaving Donghyuck to fend for himself amongst a bunch of horny and drunk graduate students.

“Hello there, gorgeous.”

Speaking of the devil.

Jaemin throws an arm around Jeno’s shoulder, leaning in to drop a kiss on his cheek. He’s pushed back in an instant, though the smile on Jeno’s face says it’s all in good nature.

“You do realise he has a boyfriend, right?” Renjun says, propping his chin on Jeno’s shoulder as he playfully glares at Jaemin.

To no one’s surprise, this only makes his grin widen. “No need to be jealous, Renjunnie! There’s enough of me for both of you.” His words are accompanied with a wink that makes Renjun fake gag.

Just an average meetup amongst friends.

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck whines, a bit more hopeful in the success of his mission now that he has an ally. “Please convince these losers to go to Johnny’s party with us tomorrow.”

“Why wouldn’t you go?” Jaemin asks curiously, taking his seat next to Jeno.

“We already had plans,” comes Renjun’s mumbled reply, to which Jeno only smiles.

Donghyuck scrunches up his nose. “I hope that doesn’t mean what I think it does.”

“Come on, Duckie,” Jaemin says, shit-eating grin in place again. “Don’t act all innocent now.”

“Fuck you,” is his eloquent retort, coming almost automatically by now. _If only Jaemin knew how wrong he is,_ he thinks, taking a bite from his sandwich.

“Sure,” Jaemin replies just as easily, leaning over the table, “just give me a time and place, baby.”

At that Donghyuck promptly chokes on his food, which instantly makes his friends burst into laughter instead of helping him. Figures.

Mark joins him a couple of minutes later, but not even his puppy eyes can convince Renjun and Jeno to change their minds. The latter looked close to breaking when Renjun placed a hand on his thigh, squeezing. As if they weren’t sitting at a glass table where Donghyuck could see everything.

He thinks of maybe asking Chenle to join, but knows better than to ask. He’d only go if Jisung is allowed to join as well, and there’s no way Donghyuck will taint his innocence like that.

“Great,” he mumbles to himself, fully disgruntled.

Jaemin pouts from across the table, having heard his complaint. “You’ll have Mark and I, are we not good enough?”

Donghyuck knows he’s just playing around, as always, but his eyes hold an edge of sincerity.

“Yeah, I look forward to being ditched by both of you,” he answers, glaring.

The pout intensifies. It looks more dumb than cute now, but it still makes Donghyuck’s expression soften. He doesn’t want Jaemin — or Mark, for that matter — to feel guilty for having fun.

“It’s okay, really,” he amends with a sigh. “I’m just being whiny.”

“As usual, then.” The infuriating grin is back, and Donghyuck throws his used napkin at his face.

“Pregame at our place tomorrow?” Mark suddenly interrupts, and this immediately awakens Donghyuck’s interest. Both Jaemin and him cheer in agreement. Pregaming together is the reason why, on the occasion they went to a party, they tend to arrive past midnight, already shitfaced. More often than not, Donghyuck enjoys them more than the actual party, so his earlier frustrations begin to fade away, making space for some excitement.

Maybe this party wouldn’t be so bad after all.

“Another round of shots!”

Donghyuck raises his glass half heartedly, surroundings already turning fuzzy at the edges. Most people wouldn’t peg Mark as such an enabler, but when it comes to pregaming he’s the worst, in the best way. No glass was allowed to stay empty for long and any protests were met with a tipsy pout and an uncharastic smooch to the cheek once they inevitably give in. Between the seven of them, Mark was easily one of the most affectionate drunks. That was saying a lot, considering he shared spots with Donghyuck and Jaemin. Whoever Mark is going to this party for won’t know what’s coming for them, Donghyuck thinks idly.

Something is poured into his glass and next to him Jaemin starts counting down from five. Jaemin’s hand is placed on Donghyuck’s thigh, though he has no idea when that happened. Before he knows it, Jaemin has reached zero and his friends are lifting their glasses. Donghyuck follows.

The alcohol burns down his throat and he coughs when he recognises the disgusting taste of vodka. “I thought we agreed last time we weren’t buying this shit anymore?”

Mark shrugs, not giving an explanation as he fills up his shot glass again, throwing it back a second later. It sends a shiver down Donghyuck’s spine. Drunk Mark is a force to be reckoned with, but thankfully not his problem tonight.

Jaemin, on the other hand, is an entire different story.

“Duckieee,” he whines, leaning into Donghyuck’s side. That’s all incentive Donghyuck needs to take another shot.

If Jaemin is flirty on a regular basis, Donghyuck doesn’t know what to call him in this state. He’s experienced it enough times by now to not be taken by surprise, but no drunk Jaemin is the same as the previous one. Where Mark is chaotic but predictable, Jaemin is the exact opposite. Sometimes he’s needy, clinging onto Donghyuck or one of their other friends as words of affection tumble out of his intoxicated lips, other times he’s downright horny, grinding down on the first willing stranger he can find.

Which, okay, fair. As long as he’s having a good time. But tonight Donghyuck desperately hopes for the former option, because the only thing worse than being ditched is being ditched while having to watch your best friend’s tongue shoved into other people’s mouths.

“Stop thinkin’,” Jaemin’s deep voice slurs into his ear, making goosebumps rise on the back of his neck.

Donghyuck rolls his shoulders to push Jaemin’s head off, only for it to fall into his lap instead. He snorts, but places a complacent hand into his hair, making Jaemin hum with pleasure.

Meanwhile, Mark is opening another bottle, something cherry red this time.

“Shouldn’t we be going soon?” Donghyuck asks, words coming out slower than they usually would.

Mark pauses, looking down at the bottle with a frown. “We paid for this…”

Somewhere at the back of his head, Donghyuck’s brain supplies that they can still drink it another night. Unfortunately, he doesn’t seem to have access to that part of his brain right now, so he nods in agreement.

He does try to drink more slowly, not willing to end the night bent over a toilet again. His eye-hand coordination is slightly off though, as most of the drink misses his mouth, dripping down his chin and neck instead.

Jaemin — Donghyuck had already forgotten about him — groans, jumping up from where he was lying in his lap. “Duckie,” he whines again, rubbing the spilled alcohol from his cheek.

Donghyuck slurs out an apology, but Jaemin’s gaze has slipped down to his jaw, then the slope of his neck. Distantly, Donghyuck is aware of Mark saying something about the drink and he just nods along.

When Jaemin keeps staring, Donghyuck opens his mouth, “what—”

Jaemin leans forward in an abrupt movement, clashing into Donghyuck’s neck with too much force, pushing him back into the couch. Donghyuck yells out a protest only to choke on his words when something warm and wet slides up his neck. It feels like a dream when he meets Jaemin’s eye, as he looks up from where he’d just _licked_ Donghyuck’s skin.

He’s frozen, unable to process what just happened. With a small smirk, Jaemin leans back.

“Uhhhh.”

Donghyuck’s head snaps to where Mark is watching at him, wide-eyed and slightly green in the face. He opens his mouth to explain, then closes it again.

“He spilled some,” Jaemin says with a shrug, picking up the glass he’d placed on the ground earlier. Donghyuck can feel his face heat up and he sends Mark a look that very much says _what the fuck._

Mark responds with an identical expression, throwing a weird hand movement in the mix. Then he reaches for the bottle again, taking a big gulp from it before passing it to Donghyuck, as if saying _you’re gonna need it_.

This drink is softer than the vodka, thank god, but his stomach still protests weakly at the concoction of drinks. He’s going to need water after this, but for now he just wants the thought of Jaemin’s tongue on his skin gone. The feeling had been unfamiliar, almost intrusive in a way, though Jaemin couldn’t possibly know that. And yet. A pool of heat forms in the pit of his stomach as he recalls the feeling.

_These are dangerous waters_ , he thinks vaguely, eyes wandering to Jaemin again. As expected, he seems completely unfazed by the situation. Knowing him, he’s already forgotten about it. Because this isn’t a big deal for Jaemin, no, but it _is_ for Donghyuck.

Yeah, no. This isn’t what he wants to think about tonight. He drinks from the bottle, finishing it on his own despite the others’ yells, before getting up on wobbly legs.

They have a party to attend, and Donghyuck is eager to get it over with.

Donghyuck still feels out of it an hour later as he’s standing at the makeshift bar with Mark and Jaemin. He’s surprised the latter hasn’t wandered off yet and isn’t sure how to feel about it. He can still feel the sensation of his tongue on his neck, a thought that makes his breath stutter. It’s not that Jaemin made him uncomfortable. There are few things any of Donghyuck’s friends could do that would truly unsettle him. It’s just that he can’t stop thinking of it and he doesn’t understand why.

So he’s been clinging to Mark all evening, much to the latter’s dismay. Donghyuck can tell he’s eager to find his mysterious crush, but Donghyuck is also scared of what might happen if he’s left alone with Jaemin.

Not that anything would happen, obviously. It might just be awkward. In the seven years Jaemin and him have been friends, they’ve never been awkward. He doesn’t want to change that now.

A cup with a clear liquid is handed to him, and Donghyuck sniffs at it with suspicion.

“It’s water,” Mark says, rolling his eyes. Yeah, he’s getting annoyed.

Donghyuck pouts, hoping to look innocent. “Just wanted to make sure.”

Mark doesn’t say anything more, but Donghyuck can tell he knows what Donghyuck is playing at. He probably doesn’t know why, but thankfully Mark is a great best friend and knows when not to ask. Donghyuck grabs Mark’s arm, pulling him closer into a semi-hug. It’s not unusual for them to be affectionate, or rather, for Donghyuck to be with Mark, so he doesn’t worry too much.

His eyes scan the room for any familiar faces, to almost no avail. He faintly recognises some of Johnny’s friends on the other side of the room, but not more than that. Then he feels eyes burning into him and locks gazes with Jaemin.

At first there’s no reaction, and Donghyuck’s eyes widen at the look on his friend’s face. His lips are pressed together, a furrow between his brows, and his hooded eyes seem darker than before.

Then, as sudden as it appeared, it dissipates into Jaemin’s signature smile, though something about it doesn’t look quite right.

“What’s up between you and Nana?” Mark mumbles into his ear, low enough so Jaemin won’t catch his words. Donghyuck swears he sees Jaemin’s eye twitch.

He finally looks away, turning to Mark instead. “I’m not sure.”

Mark hums before shrugging Donghyuck off of him with a smile that looks everything but friendly. “Well, as you know I came here with a purpose so, figure it out or something. I’m gonna go now.”

Before Donghyuck can even think of stopping him, Mark disappears into a hallway. He gapes, unsure how to proceed.

“Where did he rush off to?” A raspy voice asks, close. Jaemin has shifted closer to him, so that now they’re standing side by side, arms an inch away from touching.

Donghyuck shrugs, not really in the mood to explain. The cup in his hand is empty, and he silently contemplates whether to go for more water or another drink.

Jaemin makes the decision for him, pulling a bottle out of nowhere and pouring the liquor into his cup, before moving to Donghyuck’s. “Looks like we’ll have to have fun together.”

This makes Donghyuck frown in confusion. “Aren’t you going to search someone to hook up with?” It’s not accusatory, just curious.

Jaemin arches his brow. “Are you?”

The odd feeling from earlier returns and he’s suddenly aware of their close proximity. He quickly shakes his head, ducking to drink from the cup in the hope that it would hide the blush rising to his cheeks.

“Let’s stick together, then.”

They spend the following hours on the dancefloor without a single sign of Mark. Donghyuck isn’t worried, he knows Mark can handle himself. Besides, judging by the purposefulness he entered this party with, he isn’t planning on leaving without attaining his goal, whatever that might be.

Other than that Donghyuck simply doesn’t think of him anymore, thoughts chased away by the heat of bodies moving against his to a single beat and the chain of liquors touching his lips. Jaemin knows how to move his body, Donghyuck has witnessed it often enough to know, but weirdly enough this is the first time they’re really dancing _together._ At a party, at least, because he’s not counting the dance covers they did together when they were 13 and convinced they could be idols.

It fills him with a giddy feeling, the dancing. That, and the fact that he’s edging the line between tipsy and drunk. The grin on his face must look absurd, but at least he’s not alone. Jaemin is smiling right back at him, his sincere smile that can light up even the darkest room. His eyes are sparkling and through Donghyuck’s hazy vision, he looks like a dream.

Jaemin doesn’t dance with him like he usually does with strangers, keeping enough of a distance for it to be respectable, but still close enough that Donghyuck can feel the warmth of his skin. Or maybe it’s just the entire room that’s hot, and he needs to take a break.

He yells something along those lines into Jaemin’s ear, hoping he’ll understand him over the loud thrumming of the music. Jaemin nods, still smiling, and loops their arms together as he guides them out of the crowd. His skin is sweaty against Donghyuck’s, but he doesn’t mind. He’s far beyond being grossed out by anything Jaemin related.

Only once they reach the door does Donghyuck realise they’re heading outside. It’s a relief. Some fresh air might clear his head.

Cold air hits him as soon as they get outside and he shudders. It feels like the ground is vibrating with the heavy bass of the music coming from the party, but maybe that’s just the alcohol talking.

There’s nowhere to sit so instead Donghyuck opts for leaning against the wall, finally shifting to look at Jaemin.

He inhales sharply.

Jaemin’s gaze is hooded, but sharp, his expression completely unlike the dazed happiness from earlier. His lips are pressed together, as if he’s stopping himself from saying something.

“Thanks,” Donghyuck says, and _god_ why does his voice sound so weak? “I needed a break.”

He’s squirming under Jaemin’s stare. The longer the silence stretches out the more heated Donghyuck feels and he can only hope Jaemin can’t hear his heart beating because to him it’s deafening. He closes his eyes, willing himself to calm down.

It doesn’t work.

Instead, he’s hyper-aware of Jaemin’s hand on his arm, of his body heat, close but not close enough.

_What am I thinking?_

Warm breath fanning against his lips. His eyes snap open and _oh_ , Jaemin’s right in front of him. The look in his eyes is unlike anything Donghyuck has ever seen, like he wants to eat Donghyuck whole. Then his gaze shifts to something lower and Donghyuck’s eyes widen.

There’s no time to question it before Jaemin leans in and locks their lips together.

It’s soft, softer than Donghyuck had anticipated, but also so _warm_ , he feels like he’s melting on the spot. He doesn’t budge, too shocked to respond, but then Jaemin starts leaning back and Donghyuck is not about to let that happen.

He grabs the front of Jaemin’s shirt, crashing their lips back together. The sweetness of their first kiss has disappeared completely, and the way Donghyuck hums into the kiss seems to be enough for Jaemin to shoot back into action.

There are hands on him, so hot against the cold spring air that it burns, and they’re pushing him harder against the wall. Donghyuck gasps at the sensation, allowing Jaemin’s tongue to lick into his mouth and taking him by complete surprise. He moans into the kiss and he’d be embarrassed if he wasn’t so fucking gone, god, and they’d barely done anything yet.

Suddenly, Jaemin pulls back, leaning his forehead against Donghyuck’s. Spit connects their lips and Donghyuck stares at it in a daze.

“You’re loud,” Jaemin says with a teasing grin.

Donghyuck knows this, even from the little experience he has. Usually only when he’s completely alone, though, or in a secluded area. But nothing about this situation is usual. He’s more than tipsy and making out with his maybe-drunk best friend outside of his brother’s house.

Tipsy Donghyuck also means needy Donghyuck, and he doesn’t want to think about any of that right now. What he does want, is Jaemin.

“You like it,” is all he says before diving back in, taking Jaemin’s lower lips between his teeth and biting down. It’s Jaemin’s turn to groan now, and Donghyuck can’t stop his lips from curling into a satisfied smirk. Jaemin must be able to feel it, because his grip on Donghyuck’s arm tightens, pinning it to the wall.

Jaemin breaks off their kiss _again_ , but before Donghyuck gets the chance to complain Jaemin’s lips latch themselves to his neck, kissing softly. The shiver that goes through Donghyuck’s body has nothing to do with the cold. He grips Jaemin’s hair, pushing him closer and Jaemin seems to get the hint as he starts sucking on the skin, making Donghyuck moan between gasps.

Jaemin is almost against him now, cornering Donghyuck to the wall and the thought of Jaemin being able to do as he pleases with him is so good it almost makes him cry. Jaemin leaves a trail of kisses, making his way to Donghyuck’s collarbone before biting down, _hard._

The whine that’s dragged from his lips makes his own cheeks heat up, but Jaemin lets out a pleased hum against his skin so he must be doing something right. He pulls at Jaemin’s hair, willing him to kiss him, but he doesn’t budge. Donghyuck tries to shift, get him to comply but Na Jaemin is a bastard and only grins into his neck as he pushes his body against Donghyuck’s.

Donghyuck releases Jaemin’s hair, shifting the arm that isn’t being held down so the back of his hand is covering his mouth, muffling the embarrassing moans. He refuses to give Jaemin the satisfaction of hearing them, especially when he sucks the exact same spots on his neck, where he’s still sensitive, again.

As soon as Jaemin notices, he pulls back, glaring at Donghyuck with fire in his eyes. Fire, that’s what he is. Every touch feels like flames licking his skin and it’s consuming Donghyuck completely. He’s being burnt to ashes with every kiss Jaemin plants on his lips, and if that isn’t the best way to go.

The hand covering his mouth is being pushed aside, and then Jaemin presses his wrists against the wall. If Donghyuck felt cornered before, he’s completely trapped now.

“Jaemin,” he breathes, and that’s enough for him to understand. They’re kissing again, more gentle but still with a certain urgency. Donghyuck can taste the sweet alcohol Jaemin adores, so sugary it makes him want to drink him up. Jaemin’s teeth graze over his lower lip and all Donghyuck wants to do is pull him closer, until their bodies are flush against each other, but he _can’t fucking move._

An idea forms in his mind and before he can think it over he presses his leg between Jaemin’s, causing a friction that makes him moan. It sounds like music to his ears. Jaemin pulls back to look at him and his cheeks are a lovely shade of pink. Somewhere at the back of his mind Donghyuck realises there’s no way he’ll be able to look at his best friend the same way ever again, but he shoves it aside when Jaemin slowly, experimentally, grinds down on his leg.

He looks so good when he moans and Donghyuck can’t turn away from the sight. Jaemin releases one of his wrists in favour of cupping his face. In an instant Donghyuck is pulling Jaemin closer, making him groan with pleasure.

They stand there, Jaemin leaning into Donghyuck as they breathe heavily. Jaemin’s looking at him with an indecipherable look in his eyes, absentmindedly thumbing away the spit from the corner of Donghyuck’s mouth. Almost in reflex Donghyuck lowers his head, catching Jaemin’s finger between his lips and sucking. The reaction is immediate, Jaemin’s eyes growing wide as his lips form a small ‘o’.

“Hyuck,” he murmurs, slowly leaning in again.

“Donghyuck? Jaemin?”

At the sound of Mark’s voice, they jump apart. Donghyuck tries to compose himself before Mark can see them, but Jaemin seems too out of it to think of it. He considers fixing Jaemin’s hair himself when Mark appears with a happy smile on his face and a blush on his cheeks.

The smile slips from his face when he sees the states they’re in. “Is everything okay?”

Donghyuck musters up a smile. “Of course, we just came out to get some fresh air.”

Mark gives him an apprehensive look. Donghyuck has an idea of how they must look, entirely flushed and out of breath. He suddenly remembers the marks Jaemin left on his neck and prays it’s too dark for Mark to notice.

“We went a bit too far with the dancing,” Jaemin finally speaks up and when Donghyuck looks he’s smiling brightly, as if nothing had happened.

Mark, poor oblivious Mark, gives an understanding smile. “I’m about to head back, so if you guys want a ride? I called an uber, we can share.”

Donghyuck’s eyes meet Jaemin’s, and they both flush again.

“I’ll, uhm, stay over I think,” Donghyuck says, hoping Johnny wouldn’t mind.

“I’ll join you!” Jaemin says, a bit too quickly. Something in Donghyuck’s chest clenches.

The goodbyes are a blur and before Donghyuck knows it he’s alone, still leaning against that damned wall. The music hasn’t become any quieter, but he’d completely forgotten about it. He’d forgotten about a lot of things, it seems. To make it worse, he’s still half hard and all he can think of is the way Jaemin had looked at him, the feeling of his lips on Donghyuck’s.

He throws his head back, painfully hitting the wall but too far gone to care. He thinks of Jaemin’s hurried escape, the way he’d avoided Donghyuck’s eyes when he’d said goodbye. There goes a perfectly good friendship of seven years, Donghyuck thinks, sighing as he closes his eyes.

_What the fuck did I do?_

He wakes up with a headache and a perfect recollection of the previous night. As soon as the memory of Jaemin’s lips on his invade his mind, he rolls over onto his stomach and screams into his pillow.

“Everything alright, buddy?” It’s Johnny’s voice, gentle but undeniably amused. Donghyuck can feel the mattress dip and then there’s a hand rubbing his back in a comforting motion.

“I crave death,” he speaks into the pillow.

If Johnny’s chuckle is anything to go by, he’s still somewhat comprehensible. “That makes two of us then.”

Donghyuck raises his head, turning to look at Johnny with squinted eyes. “What did you do.”

“I should be asking you that question!” Johnny exclaims, avoiding the topic like a pro. “One minute you’re sulking in a corner, forcing Mark to stay with you, then you disappear for like an hour and _then_ you return with a bonus of extra sulking.”

He’d feel offended, but that was a pretty accurate description of last night. There was no way in hell he was filling up the blanks, though.

“I just got ditched by my friends, as expected.” Come to think of it, he has no clue what Mark had been up to the entire night. He decides to ask Johnny once he doesn’t feel like throwing up anymore.

Johnny raises an eyebrow. “Taeyong said he saw you go outside with Jaemin.”

He curses under his breath, face flushing at being called out. For a moment he contemplates telling Johnny what happened, but it’d be too awkward. Besides, he’s not even sure if what happened yesterday meant anything to Jaemin. Was it just because he was drunk and Donghyuck was there? From the way he made a hurried escape afterwards, it sure seemed like he regretted it.

No, involving Johnny would just result in his own embarrassment. If last night’s… activities cause any problems, he’ll talk to Mark about it.

“Did you see Mark around last night?” He asks, not so subtly changing the subject. Thankfully, Johnny lets it slide, though Donghyuck knows he must have a suspicion of what happened.

“After he left you I saw him talk to Yuta, I think, but after that nothing.” He chuckles sheepishly. “To be honest, I got a bit distracted after that.”

Donghyuck makes a disgusted sound, curling his upper lip. “I do _not_ need to know more, thanks.”

Then he contemplates the first half of what Johnny said. _Yuta, huh_. Donghyuck can see the appeal, though he wouldn’t have pegged him as Mark’s type. Looks like they have a lot to talk about.

Johnny leaves him after that, saying something about preparing breakfast. Donghyuck doubts he can stomach any food right now, but stays quiet. Only once Johnny is gone does he notice the familiar buzzing sound of his phone.

He lifts the sheets, trying to find where he had put the phone last night, only to hear a loud _thump_ as it falls on the floor. He nearly rolls out of bed himself in his hurry to pick it up, quickly scanning the device before sighing in relief when he doesn’t see any new scratches.

The notifications are still popping up at a concerning speed. One look through them tells Donghyuck that they’re all from the group chat.

**loser hyung <3   
**He seemed kinda out of it yesterday hahaha

**nana !!  
** yeah he was pretty hammered, he’s probably still knocked out lol

**my satanic other half  
** why didn’t he go back with you guys tho?

**loser hyung <3   
**Idk haha i thought it was weird too

**nana !!  
** he was just drunk i wouldn’t think too hard about it markie

**You  
** i lived bitches   
but yeah it seemed easier at the time to just stay over, johnny hyung has a spare bedroom anyway so

**( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ  
** hyuckie! how are you feeling!!

**You  
** this headache is killing me, but i’ll survive   
don’t worry nono ♥♥♥

**loser hyung <3   
**I’ll never understand why Hyuck is only ever nice to Jeno   
I’ve known you the longest

**nana !!  
** jealous?

**loser hyung <3   
**Huh???

**You**   
jeno is my only friend

**( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ  
** :D !!!!

**loser hyung <3   
**Looks like I won’t be treating you guys for lunch then

**You  
** mark hyung did you know you are the only man ever

**evil fairy (do NOT trust!!)**   
can y’all SHUT UP some of us are trying to sleep don’t you have a hangover to sleep through???

**( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ  
** why do i feel cheated on…

Donghyuck smiles, turning off his phone again. Mark would send him the details for lunch privately, like he always does. It’s still early, nine in the morning, so Donghyuck can see why Chenle would get annoyed. This also means he still has time to make himself look presentable, starting by taking a long shower.

He tries not to think about Jaemin’s body pressed against his as he washes his hair, avoids the mirror to not be confronted with the marks all over his neck. If he doesn’t want lunch to turn awkward, he has to banish these thoughts from his mind, at least for now. Something tells him that it would take a long time before he’ll be able to completely rid himself of the memory of Jaemin’s touch.

After rummaging through Johnny's closet, he finds a turtleneck that’s far too big on him, but it does the job. He avoids Johnny’s knowing looks during breakfast and can only hope that his friends are less observant than his brother is.

The others are already sitting at their usual table in the corner when Donghyuck arrives. He’s surprised to see that even Chenle and Jisung have made it, though on second thought he should’ve known. No matter how much they hate getting up ‘early’ on weekends, they love free food more.

He greets everyone with a small wave before taking his seat next to Mark, slouching. His headache still hasn’t subsided and to make things worse the smell of food is bringing on another bout of nausea. Maybe he shouldn’t have come.

“You look like shit,” Renjun says without looking up from his menu.

“I _feel_ like shit,” Donghyuck grumbles, leaning his head on Mark’s shoulder with a groan. He looks at the menu Mark is holding, but just reading the names of different dishes makes his stomach churn. “I don’t think I’ll be able to eat.”

“You should at least eat something.” Donghyuck’s gaze jumps to the source of the voice. It’s the first thing Jaemin has said to him since last night, though his friends still seems to be avoiding his gaze. Donghyuck had hoped he’d imagined the pointed way in which Jaemin had ignored his greeting earlier, but that appears not to be the case. His stomach churns again, for an entirely different reason.

“A salad, or some other shit like that then.” He can feel Mark nod.

He nearly dozes off after that, quickly tuning out his friends’ excitable chattering. Every now or then he grimaces when Chenle laughs a bit too loudly, but he doesn’t complain. He gratefully accepts the glass of water Jeno ordered for him and tries to eat some of his chicken salad before sliding it over to Mark with what’s probably a pitiful look.

It’s a relief when some of his friends start to leave and it doesn’t take long before Mark and him get up as well. Donghyuck tries not to think about the fact that Jaemin didn’t even meet his eye when he said goodbye, or about the way his smile became strained on the few occasions Donghyuck said something.

Unfortunately, that doesn’t stop Mark from asking, “what’s up between you and Jaemin?”

They’re walking to their shared flat and Donghyuck nearly trips over his own feet at the question. “Huh?”

“He didn’t even look at you,” Mark continues and Donghyuck mentally curses.

“I don’t know, he’s probably still recovering from last night.” It sounds like a lie even to his own ears. Mark stares him down, unimpressed.

“Did something happen last night?”

Donghyuck sputters, face flushed. “Wha— No, what?” His mind is racing. Mark doesn’t know, right? Mark couldn’t possibly know.

“Did you fight or something?” Donghyuck exhales, relieved, until he sees the worried frown on Mark’s face.

“Of course not,” he says honestly, giving him a shallow smile, “we never fight.”

Mark shrugs. “There’s a first time for everything.”

These words make heat rise to Donghyuck’s face again. _It sure was the first time, right._ Next to him, Mark gasps. _Shit._

“Oh my god.” Mark has freezed in his track, a hand slapped on his chest.

Donghyuck purses his lips together, glaring with the force of a thousand suns. “What.”

“You and Jaemin, you—”

His mouth is covered by Donghyuck’s frantic hands before he can utter another word. “Shut up, please, just shut up,” he says, words sounding closer to a plea than a threat. Mark says something unintelligible before licking Donghyuck’s hand, forcing him to retract it with a shriek.

“You two _hooked up_?” Mark exclaims as Donghyuck angrily wipes his hand on his jeans.

“Jaemin went back home with you, remember?”

“Before that, oh my god, that’s why you guys were so out of breath!” Mark’s eyes are wide with a concoction of shock and something close to disgust.

“We did _not_ hook up!” Donghyuck says loudly, causing an old woman on the opposite of the street to give them a scandalised look. With a sigh he grabs Mark arm, pulling him along. Their flat is only a couple streets further. Then, calmer, he adds, “you know I wouldn’t.”

He doesn’t need to look at Mark to know the way his expression softens. Perks of knowing each other their entire lives. “You were drunk, Hyuckie. I just wanted to make sure.”

“I know,” he says quietly.

They walk in silence until they reach their flat, and only once they’re inside does Mark turn to him with a questioning gaze. Donghyuck lets himself fall onto their sofa, groaning loudly.

“We made out,” he confessed, before squeezing his eyes shut.

Mark is quiet for a couple of seconds. “That’s not too bad. You’ve made out with people before.”

It’s true and Donghyuck gets why Mark is saying this, but he wishes Mark could just understand. Without Donghyuck having to embarrass himself by saying it out loud.

“It was different,” is what he ends up saying, though he knows Mark won’t relent.

Sure enough, he asks, “different in what way?”

Donghyuck throws his head back on the sofa, then hides his reddening face in the crook of his arm. For a moment he considers not answering, but this is Mark. He’ll find a way to get it out of Donghyuck anyway.

“It was, like, heated, okay?” He tries to explain. “I’m pretty sure that if you didn’t show, we might’ve—”

“Okay, okay!” Mark interrupts loudly, and when Donghyuck peeks at him over his arm he can see that Mark’s face is flushed as well. “I _really_ don’t need to know the details, dude.”

Donghyuck shrugs, mumbling “you asked”, before letting his arm fall next to him. Truth to be told, he has no clue what would’ve happened had Mark not interrupted them. Would they just have sticked to making out, or would they have gone further? Donghyuck tries to imagine it, Jaemin murmuring into his ear before leading him to one of the bedrooms upstairs. He’s not sure how he would’ve felt about that, his first time being a drunken hookup with one of his closest friends. And yet. The thought made something flutter to live in his stomach, a feeling like nervousness and excitement all at once.

“Oh god, you’re thinking about it,” Mark groans, scrunching up his face.

Donghyuck would feel embarrassed that he’s so easy to read, but it’s probably just Mark who knows him too well for his own good. “Why are _you_ acting all disgusted? It’s not like you’re the virgin between us two, oddly enough.”

Mark gives him a pointed glare, taking a seat next to him before slapping his arm. “What’s that supposed to mean?” He grumbles, making a giggle fall from Donghyuck’s lips.

After a second the glare is replaced by a small frown. “I’m not disgusted, obviously. It’s just weird because Jaemin is one of my close friends and you’re basically my brother at this point, I don’t want to know about your sex lives.”

Donghyuck pulls him into a side hug, cooing. “I love you too, Markie.”

Mark rolls his eyes, but doesn’t push him away, long used to his antics. “Yeah, yeah. But you still haven’t told me why Jaemin is basically ignoring your existence now.”

The smile that had made its way to Donghyuck’s face dissipates.

“Because I don’t know,” he says, feeling a bit lost. “He hasn’t texted me or anything, so I’m not sure where we stand. But you know how Jaemin is, it probably didn’t mean anything to him.”

“And to you?” Mark asks with a raised eyebrow.

Donghyuck bites his lip, considering. “I’m not sure.”

Mark’s lips curl into a tiny smile, and next thing he knows Donghyuck is being pulled into a hug. “That’s okay, you will figure it out eventually,” Mark says into the crook of his neck. “I don’t know what’s going through Nana’s head right now, but he’ll come around. You’re precious to him, be it like a friend or something more. He’d never risk losing you.”

The words bring comfort, making it a little easier to breathe. Still, there’s a small, traitorous part of Donghyuck that wonders whether it might be too late already.

Two more days of radio silence pass before Donghyuck receives a text from Jaemin.

**nana !!  
** duckiee is it okay if i come over?   
i’d like to talk about sth

It’s anxiety inducing if anything and for the next hour Donghyuck pretends he didn’t see the notification. He will answer and say yes eventually, because in the end he is a weak, weak man, but he’d rather hold it off for as long as possible. Donghyuck can only imagine how awkward _that_ conversation will be. Only once he settles in bed, pajamas on and ready to get a full night of sleep, does he finally respond.

**You  
** sure!   
since when do you even ask before barging in lol

**nana !!  
** i don’t do that :(   
i’ll see you tomorrow after your classes then? ♥

For a minute, Donghyuck just stares. He berates himself for getting all mushy over an emoji, one that he himself always sends to friends. It’s not like it suddenly has a different meaning just because he knows what Jaemin tastes like. He whines out loud at the thought, without a doubt alarming Mark in the room next to him, but that’s hardly anything new.

**You**   
sounds perfect :D

He presses send before he can overthink it, then immediately regrets it. _Sounds perfect? Way to sound whipped, Donghyuck._ Still, it’s done now. His eyes linger on the heart Jaemin sent again, hesitating. Then, thinking he might as well go all the way now that he’s already made a fool out of himself, he types another message and throws his phone across the room as soon as he sends it.

**You  
♥**

Donghyuck’s heart is beating erratically in his chest. Jaemin will be here any moment, and he’s unsure what to do. So far he has randomly started cleaning up the living room — Mark gave him an odd look for this before he left, but thankfully stayed quiet — paced in both his bedroom and the kitchen, stress-eaten a bag of chips and considered baking. In the past hour only.

He’s honestly surprised he hasn't bitten through his own lip yet, with how he’s been gnawing on it. Small blessings, he supposes. He nearly jumps out of his skin when there’s a knock on the door. Momentarily, he’s frozen. Then, after a deep inhale, he gets up and opens the door.

To his surprise, Jaemin is beaming.

That’s the first thing he noticed.

“Blue,” is the second. He says it in a stunned voice that clearly amuses Jaemin, smile etching even wider.

“Yeah, the pink was getting kind of old,” he shrugs, walking past Donghyuck into the flat.

_It could never get old_ , Donghyuck’s traitorous mind thinks, envisaging pink hair matching swollen pink lips. Maybe blue is a good change after all.

Jaemin has already nestled himself into the sofa when Donghyuck closes the door and turns to him. He’s unsure what to do, what to say. Are they supposed to make small talk first, or should he just bring up the elephant in the room?

Donghyuck startles when he sees the odd look Jaemin is giving him. “Aren’t you gonna sit down?”

He nods a second too fast, embarrassed by his own behaviour. Donghyuck is supposed to be _confident_ , it’s one of the many things he prides himself for. Prided. That was until Jaemin decided to take control of his mind.

Above all he feels dumb because, whatever happened, they’re friends. They’ve known each other since middle school, and if their friendship could survive the obnoxious monstrosity that was middle school Donghyuck, it can definitely conquer this. Yet now he can barely look at Jaemin without fidgeting, and judging by the curious look on Jaemin’s face it hasn’t gone unnoticed.

“So,” he starts once he’s seated, avoiding Jaemin’s loaded gaze, “you wanted to talk?”

Silence. Donghyuck is starting to regret saying anything at all, when Jaemin’s lips curve up again.

“Right! I nearly forgot about that.” _Ouch?_ Donghyuck isn’t sure how to feel, when he hasn’t been able to put it out of his mind for even a second since.

“There’s this essay I think you could help me with, you took that one psychology module last semester, right?”

What.

What?

Donghyuck can barely stop himself from saying it out loud in his bewilderment. There’s a pause that keeps stretching, Jaemin’s smile never wavering, and Donghyuck hesitates. Is this Jaemin’s way of saying they should just forget about it? It’s efficient enough, surely. But does Donghyuck even want to forget?

He should want to. Maybe he even does. It doesn’t really matter though, because there’s no way he ever will.

“Right,” he says anyway, because despite the shit Donghyuck gives him on a regular basis, Mark isn’t the only coward living here. There’s no relief in Jaemin’s eyes. There’s not much of anything, really, just that same old smile. Donghyuck isn’t sure whether it’s better or worse than the alternative, whatever that may be.

They don’t talk about much else than Pavlov for the rest of the evening, Jaemin’s shoulder occasionally bumping against his when he points something out on Donghyuck’s laptop. His heart stings at the contact, but it’s fine. He’ll get over this infatuation — if you can even call it that — soon enough. He has to.

“I’m guessing you guys have talked it out?”

Donghyuck looks up from the pan to see Mark at the doorway, arms crossed. There’s something different about him, but Donghyuck can’t quite put his finger on it.

“Not really,” he admits, turning back to his fried noodles. Not the most impressive meal, but for Mark and him it’ll do. “He acted like nothing happened, so I just went along with it.”

Mark’s sigh is probably loud enough for the entire building to hear. “Remember when you claimed to be a confident gay?”

_Low blow._ “Striking right where it hurts, I see.” Donghyuck places a theatrical hand on his chest, pouting.

As expected, Mark is unimpressed. “Seriously though, like _I_ got my shit together quicker than you did.”

“Riiight,” Donghyuck says in a teasing tone, ready to make use of the change of subject Mark unintentionally offered, “So, Yuta?”

Mark’s eyes widen comically, cheeks turning a deep red. “How—”

“How long has that been going on, Markie?” He continues as he takes the pan off the stove. “I’m actually kind of offended you didn’t think of telling me.”

“This is exactly the reason I didn’t, you drama queen,” he answers dryly. Donghyuck shoots him a glare before asking him to lay the table.

“No but, like, I wanted to make sure he liked me back before saying anything,” Mark amends once diner is served. “Telling you, and the others, would only bring my hopes up.”

Donghyuck flutters his eyelashes. “But who could ever resist you, Markiepoo?”

Mark scrunches up his nose. “I hate you.”

“No, you don’t,” he retorts with a complacent smile. Mark doesn’t argue.

“But he does like you, right? At the party, you talked to him.”

“I guess you could say that.” The blush from earlier has returned and Mark scratches the back of his neck. “We, uhm,” he clears his throat, “still have some talking left to do.”

It’s funny how flustered Mark gets about these things and two weeks ago Donghyuck would’ve made fun of him for it, but unfortunately he’s been finding himself in the same predicament increasingly more often lately. “Damn, never thought you’d be the ‘pull out on first date’ type.”

Donghyuck narrowly dodges the chopstick thrown at him, and from there on the subject is quickly dropped as they continue to throw various non-dangerous utensils at each other, until it escalates into a food fight. Not the first time it has happened, nor will it be the last. It’s a good distraction, wasting food by shoving noodles into Mark’s hair just to hear him whine in disgust. To each their own coping mechanisms, Donghyuck reasons.

“Last one to finish their meal has to pay!”

As usual when the two high schoolers in their friend group are present, Friday lunch turns chaotic soon. As soon as the words are yelled out by Jisung, the seven of them dig into their food with a renewed fervor. Jeno protests weakly, being the one who’d gotten his plate last, when the rest of them had long started eating.

“Sucks to be you, Nono,” Jaemin says, grinning as he gulps down his last bite. Donghyuck’s eyes linger. It’s that damned teasing smile, the one that twists his guts.

From his right, Mark elbows him, hard. “You’re staring,” he says under his breath, much to Donghyuck’s embarrassment. He’s been doing a lot of that, recently. It’s a surprise Jaemin himself hasn’t noticed, or maybe he just doesn’t want to acknowledge it either. Another thought that stings, but is insignificant at the end of the day.

As expected, Jeno ends up last, only just beating Mark. It only gives one sad puppy-eyed look for Renjun to agree splitting the bill, despite Jeno not even asking. Neither of them even react at Chenle’s coughed _whipped_. It’s not like they can deny it.

Once Renjun and Jeno get up to pay, Jisung breaks into a rant over his biology teacher, some young guy who was still clueless on how to handle a group of rowdy teens. “I almost feel sorry for him, he has zero authority.”

“And you’re the perfect little angel during class, I’m sure?” Jaemin asks, raising an eyebrow.

Jisung’s face flushes. “I mean, I’m better than most of the others.”

“It’s not like you can talk, Jaem,” Donghyuck speaks up. “Remember that time you made a teacher _cry_?”

For a moment Jaemin looks surprised, but his expression quickly morphs in a faux pout. “That wasn’t my fault!”

“It definitely was.” Donghyuck props his chin onto the palm of his hand.

“At least I never confessed to a teacher.”

Donghyuck’s head snaps to his right, where Mark’s eyes have widened. “You told him that?”

Mark opens his mouth a few times, closing again before shrugging with a look that says _oops, sorry?_ Donghyuck shoots him a betrayed look before turning back to face an amused Jaemin, crossing his arms.

“For the record, I was six and she was a very nice lady who turned me down with candy. I’m sure you’ve flirted with worse.” The words come out almost bitter, and Donghyuck regrets it the moment they leave his lips. Jaemin’s brows twitch, almost forming a frown before his forehead smoothes out again.

Finally, Jaemin says cooly, “I make an effort to get what I want, instead of just playing around.”

He holds Donghyuck’s gaze as he says this, though Donghyuck swears he shot a glance toward Mark. It feels like a directed attack, though Donghyuck has no clue what for.

“What’s that supposed to mea—”

“Oh look, Renjun and Jeno are back,” Chenle suddenly yells out, reminding Donghyuck of the other people sitting at the table. A short look around makes it obvious that Donghyuck isn’t the only one pulled out of comfort by Jaemin’s words, though he guesses his own actions play a role in this too.

He tries not to think about it as they head outside, the others chattering amongst themselves. He can’t help but notice Jaemin’s silence as well, but he doesn’t dare to talk to him after his odd outburst.

Instead he latches onto Mark’s arm, leaning his head on his shoulder as he talks to Jeno. He can feel someone’s eyes on him, but pays it no mind. It’s not like this is anything unusual, and despite the jokes his friends like to make at times, his and Mark’s relationship has never been like that.

Jaemin is the first to leave, with a slightly off smile and some excuse about an essay due that evening, and is soon followed by Chenle and Jisung, who still have classes that afternoon. Jeno and Mark are still immersed in their conversation, which Donghyuck hasn’t bothered listening to, and Renjun—

A hand is placed on his arm, and Donghyuck reluctantly lets go of Mark, falling behind as they continue to walk. Renjun is looking at him with a disapproving look Donghyuck knows all too well, though he has no clue what he’s done wrong this time.

“What’s up?” He says with a smile, but Renjun’s frown only deepens.

“Can’t you tone it down a bit?” He asks harshly, though Donghyuck can tell by the way he bites his lower lip afterwards he doesn’t mean it.

For the second time that day, he’s confounded. “Huh?”

Renjun hesitates, scratching the back of his neck as he casts a glance towards Jeno and Mark.

“With Mark. I know you two have this thing going on between you two, but there’s no need to rub it in like that.”

Renjun isn’t finished yet, but Donghyuck interrupts, incredulous. “Whoa, whoa, what?”

He’s met with a frown, as if _he_ is the one who said something ridiculous.

“There’s nothing between Mark and I,” he says slowly, hoping this is some kind of joke.

Renjun looks entirely unconvinced. “We can all see the way you cling off him, Donghyuck.”

He can’t believe he’s having this conversation _again_ , with Renjun of all people. As if explaining he isn’t in love with his best friend to his mother wasn’t mortifying enough already.

“Yeah, because we’ve known each other since we were in diapers, Renjun,” he says, imitating his friend’s know-it-all tone. “I’ve never seen him like that and I never will.”

“Maybe you just don’t realise it.”

“He has a _boyfriend_ ,” he cuts in with complete exasperation, “and Mark is not the one I’m interested in.”

He doesn’t fully realise what he’s said until it’s hanging in the air and he holds his breath at what his own words imply. _He’s not the friend I’m interested in._

Thankfully, Renjun latches onto the first thing he said. “Mark has a boyfriend?”

For a moment Donghyuck feels guilty for telling on him. It passes quickly when he remembers all the times Mark has run his mouth in the past. “Kinda, pretty sure they’re still figuring out the details.”

Renjun appears dumbstruck by this information, though Donghyuck guesses it must come as a surprise if he was so convinced Mark and him were living some slow burn childhood friends to lovers fantasy.

“Yeah, so, get whatever dumb ideas you have out of that head of yours. I’m just affectionate with Mark because that’s how we’ve always been.”

After another moment of consideration, Renjun nods slowly. “Sorry, I shouldn’t have assumed.”

Eager to get rid of the serious atmosphere, Donghyuck smiles smugly. “Am I hearing that right? Huang Renjun admitting he’s wrong?”

It’s no surprise when his teasing is met with a punch to his arm and an angrily muttered _asshole_ , but it did the job.

It’s only later, far later, when he’s lying in bed and staring up at the ceiling that Donghyuck wonders why Renjun even cared about the nature of his friendship with Mark in the first place.

So maybe Donghyuck had been wrong. Maybe, possibly, there’s the smallest chance that he’s misjudged his own feelings. Which really fucking sucks.

It sucks because it’s been two weeks since his argument — if you could even call it that — with Jaemin, two weeks since his last one on one conversation with him and, he’s pretty sure, two weeks since Jaemin last looked his way. That’s not the part that really bothersome though, no, it’s the _feeling_ it ignites in Donghyuck. Like he’s constantly uneasy, missing something and not knowing what to do other than wait for it to magically return.

“It’s normal,” Mark had said the first time he mentioned it. “You obviously have feelings for Jaemin.” At the time Donghyuck had scoffed, but with every day that passes as the heavy feeling remains, he grows more doubtful.

It’s not like he’s never had a crush on anyone before. Hell, he’d even say he’s been in love, though that was years ago and had quickly faded. He has dated — not often, and they’d never gone further than making out, but it’d happened. He should be able to identify the fluttering of butterflies in his chest, but he’s dumbfounded, if not a little nauseous.

This is what he does know: ever since _that_ night, his world had shifted ever so slightly, just so that it felt off, but not enough to be a bother. Then the argument happened, and the world continued to shift until Donghyuck felt dizzy, no longer sure which way is up or down. Which way is right or wrong. He also knows that this is the longest Jaemin and him have gone without talking, the first time in years that he’s looked at their chat and seen the little writing under his last text say _read, 14 days ago._ He knows it feels unnatural, and he misses Jaemin like the sun might miss the moon.

There are other things, too, that he’s aware of. Things he’s less keen to admit, such as that the thought of Jaemin’s smile sometimes keeps him awake at night. That sometimes that night outside the party haunts him in his dreams and he wakes up panting, feeling like his body is on fire. Somewhere in the back of his mind he knows these aren’t things he’s supposed to think about his friend, but he has no desire to unpack that thought anytime soon.

Of all things the most annoying part is, funnily enough, that he can’t discuss any of it with Jaemin. While Mark may know Donghyuck like the back of his hand, he sometimes has the emotional capacity of a soggy sponge. Jaemin on the other hand always seems to understand, somehow always knows what Donghyuck needs before he does so himself. Be it a hug, a helping hand or simply a patient listener, Jaemin can always provide. It’s the way he is, like he’s been especially programmed to be the perfect friend and support system for anyone. Had this issue revolved around any other person, Donghyuck has no doubt in mind that Jaemin would be the first he’d go to for comfort.

Unfortunately, that isn’t the case. So instead he’s stuck with Mark, who is slowly getting tired of his whining.

“Just talk to him, dude.” He doesn’t even look at Donghyuck as he speaks, too busy texting someone. Yuta, if the lovesick smile on his face is anything to go by. “It really is that simple.”

Donghyuck crosses his arms and pouts when Mark continues to not spare him a glance. “Just because that worked for you, doesn’t mean it will for me. Besides, unlike you, I’m not in love.”

This is what finally makes Mark turn to him, lifting his brows with an amused smile. “Really? Could’ve fooled me.”

His shoulders sag and Donghyuck sighs. “It’s not… love, or whatever. I would know, right?”

He hates how uncertain he sounds, but at least Mark’s expression softens.

“Okay, it’s not love then. But it’s something. The only one who can figure out exactly what it is is you, though.” Donghyuck nods slowly. He needs to figure himself out and quick. _Then_ he’ll talk to Jaemin.

Mark has already shifted his attention back to his phone when Donghyuck speaks up again. “I thought it was just attraction, at first, but now I’m not that sure anymore.”

His friend hums, an invitation to continue.

“It goes deeper, I think? I wouldn’t miss him this much if it was just about physical attraction, right?”

“Right,” Mark mumbles, suppressing a smile at something Yuta sent him. Donghyuck really doesn’t want to know.

“Like yeah, making out with him was unlike anything I’ve ever felt before and even just thinking about it takes my breath away, but...”

Lowering his phone, Mark turns to him with his face scrunched up in disgust. “Dude, I love you and you can tell me anything yada yada. But I really don’t need to know your horny thoughts about our best friend.”

Donghyuck sputters, “they’re not horny thoughts! I’m just saying I’m physically attracted to Jaemin—”

“Horny thoughts.”

“—but what I feel goes beyond that. Or at least I think so.” Donghyuck pauses, thinking. “Maybe I just miss my friend.”

Mark rolls his eyes, sighing, “and we’re back at square one.”

Thus ends exhibit C of Mark being useless when it comes to love slash crush slash maybe-just-friendship advice. Donghyuck momentarily considers asking Renjun or Jeno, also known as the only other friends in a relationship he has, for advice, but quickly dismisses it. Thought everyone in their friend group is close, Renjun and Jeno have always been the closest to Jaemin, just like Donghyuck is the closest to Mark. He’s has no clue if Jaemin told them what happened, but if he didn’t Donghyuck doesn’t want to mess up any further by doing so.

Looks like he’ll just have to continue suffering in silence.

(“What, so I don’t count?” Mark asks with a frown.

Donghyuck glares at him. “Don’t you have a boyfriend to attend to?”

_True friendship is dead_ , Donghyuck thinks when Mark simply shrugs before agreeing.)

In all honesty, Donghyuck doesn’t know what he’s doing here. He knows that Yuta invited Mark and consequently their entire group of friends, but Donghyuck has no idea why he’d thought it’d be a good idea to go to yet _another_ party. Sure, there’d been the added reassurance that Jeno and Renjun would be joining them this time, but they’d snuck into some corner to make out and do whatnot about an hour ago.

It’s on him, really. Donghyuck should’ve seen this coming.

Since their last lunch he still hasn’t talked to Jaemin and he isn’t planning on starting tonight. Mark had been dragged away by Yuta to join their group on the side of the dancefloor and for a while Donghyuck had joined them as well.

However, there was only so long he could hang out with his brother’s friends before feeling like the odd one out, even with Mark there. He can’t bring himself to be upset with Mark, though, not with how happy he seems.

Besides, that’s not the only reason why he ended up wandering away. Another was the perfect view of the dancefloor and, more specifically, Jaemin.

He should be used to the sight of Jaemin with someone else, but it’s different now. Whereas before he never particularly cared, he feels a hot flame of annoyance spark to life inside of him now. He’s still getting used to the feeling — jealousy, his mind supplies — never having experienced it so strongly before. He resents himself for it.

Jaemin doesn’t owe him anything. They’re not together, what they had could hardly even be called a fling. Just a drunken makeout session, nothing to remember.

Still, Donghyuck isn’t enough of a masochist to force himself to witness Jaemin stick his tongue down some random girl’s throat.

So he distances himself from the group with the excuse of getting more to drink. It’s not a lie, though he isn’t planning on coming back. No, he’ll go to the bar and stay there, hopefully until he can’t remember Jaemin’s name.

That’s how he spends the next hour, if not longer. Pouring drink after drink of the most bitter liquor he can find. Sweet drinks only remind him of a warm tongue tasting of it, licking into his mouth. As he drinks he laments to different strangers, anyone who would listen. At some points he clings off of them, much to the pleasure of some and the dismay to others. He’s too intoxicated to care, yet still not drunk enough to not notice when a mop of blue hair enters the room, arm in arm with some giggly boy.

A part of his brain screams to ignore it, just walk away. He’s embarrassed himself enough already, being the complete mess he is.

Unfortunately, that part isn’t strong enough to control his drunken impulses.

“Nana!” He basically screams, startling the guy who’d been passed out on the table for the past ten minutes or so.

Jaemin instantly turns towards his voice, eyes widening at the sight of him. Donghyuck can only imagine what he looks like right now, wonders if it’s even half as bad as he feels. All he knows is that he’s spilled a considerable amount of drinks over himself and has been pushed off of at least six different people, and that must leave some kind of impression.

The boy hanging off Jaemin’s arm looks at him with a stunned expression, flinching when Donghyuck shoots him a glare. In any other circumstances he’d feel guilty about it, but he’s too drunk to care and from the looks of it the boy won’t remember it by tomorrow anyway. He whispers something in Jaemin’s ear, making Donghyuck tense up, before he lets go of Jaemin and leaves the room.

“Dude,” Jaemin says with a small frown, “what was that about?”

Donghyuck doesn’t answer, instead grabbing Jaemin by the arm — the one the boy hadn’t held, just to be petty. He drags him along, whereto he isn’t sure. It’s not like he’s been to Yuta’s place before today, but there had to be some privacy somewhere. He’s not sure what he wants to do once he finds it, but the possibilities range from screaming to talking to kissing that stupid smile off of Jaemin’s face.

Yeah, that last option sounds pretty good right now.

The first empty room he finds turns out to be the bathroom, but he takes it, pulling Jaemin inside with him before pushing him against the door, closing it with a loud bang. This time he’s the one trapping Jaemin against the wall, which gives him a small sense of victory. He reaches over to the lock, turning it, and he swears he can hear Jaemin’s breath hitch at the sound of it.

“Hyuck?”

Donghyuck is drunk, he knows he is, but judging by the sugary sweet scent of Jaemin’s breath and the tone of his voice, so is Jaemin. Donghyuck still doesn’t speak, afraid that he’ll lose all of his bravado once he does. Because no matter how much he wishes otherwise, he _wants_ this. Badly.

The gleam in Jaemin’s eyes tells Donghyuck he isn’t the only one.

It’s satisfying, in a way, to be the one in control this time around. Seeing Jaemin look at him with wide, expectant eyes makes him feel drunk on power. Donghyuck leans in, slowly, until his breath is fanning against Jaemin’s lips.

“You’re so infuriating,” he whispers then, the image of him kissing that girl on the dancefloor flashing before his eyes again.

Jaemin appears to be taken aback by his words, a small crease forming between his brows. Right as he opens his mouth, to ask for an explanation maybe, Donghyuck crashes their lips together in a hungry kiss.

There’s not a moment of hesitation before Jaemin returns it with fervor. From then on it’s a blur, they’re a mess of tongues and hands sliding down bodies, desperately trying to get closer to each other. Donghyuck wraps his arms around Jaemin’s waist and the sound that escapes Jaemin’s lips is so close to a whimper, something even his wildest fantasies couldn’t have produced. He breaks their kiss, only losing contact for a second before sliding his lips over Jaemin’s jaw, savouring the soft sounds he makes. Jaemin isn’t as vocal as Donghyuck, but that only means that hearing his small moans make Donghyuck feel even more accomplished (and turned on).

The entire situation is so similar to last time, but far more heated. Like this is the only chance they have at doing this, and maybe it is. Donghyuck pressed kisses down Jaemin’s neck, sucking lightly. This he has done before, and he’s eager to return Jaemin the favour. The thought of seeing him marked up, so entirely _his,_ makes heat prickle under his skin.

His hands are slipping under Jaemin’s shirt when Jaemin grabs a hold of Donghyuck’s arm. Donghyuck opens his eyes to meet Jaemin’s, alive with fire. That’s all the warning he gets before he’s forced backwards, almost tripping over his own feet, until the back of his legs make contact with the edge of the bathtub. He allows Jaemin to take over as he pushes him so that Donghyuck is sitting down, before straddling his lap.

It’s not the most comfortable position and he’s pretty sure he could fall backwards into the tub at any moment, but it’s hard to worry about any of that when Jaemin is pressing down on his clothed dick, looking more gorgeous in the shitty bathroom lighting than anything Donghyuck has ever seen before. Donghyuck moans loudly when Jaemin rolls his hip down on him again, glaring as Jaemin’s swollen lips curl into a smug smile.

He opens his mouth to complain, tell Jaemin that he needs to stop being such a cocky shit, but Jaemin takes advantage from it by slipping his tongue between Donghyuck’s lips, further claiming dominance. Donghyuck finds himself trying less and less to gain it back, glad to succumb to the wonderful force that is Jaemin looking all pretty and wrecked.

Not that he’s faring any better, Donghyuck notes when he catches a glimpse of himself in the mirror. It’s quite a sight, Donghyuck clenching the edge of the bathtub with one hand while keeping Jaemin in place with the other, all the while Jaemin is basically grinding down on his lap, searching for friction. He can see the flush of his cheeks, the glazed over look in his eyes, and it makes heat pool in his stomach.

_Jaemin is doing this to me._ He shifts his gaze back to Jaemin, who shoots him a wicked grin before diving in again. Donghyuck closes his eyes, waiting for the feeling of soft lips against his, only to whine when all he gets is a peck on his cheek.

“Jaem,” he starts to whine, but it turns into a broken whimper when Jaemin’s hand suddenly presses down on his crotch. His eyes snap open, just in time to see Jaemin duck his head, planting his lips on Donghyuck’s collarbone. In the heat of the moment Donghyuck hadn’t even noticed the way his shirt had slipped down, revealing his right shoulder and collarbone. It’s hard not to notice now, when Jaemin is pulling the shirt further down with so much vigor that Donghyuck wouldn’t be surprised if it rips, lapping and sucking at any piece of skin he can find.

Donghyuck curses loudly when Jaemin bites down, vaguely realising that he’s let himself fall into the same trap as last time. He’s so distracted by Jaemin’s mouth that he’d forgotten about his hands until Jaemin adds pressure to where his right hand is basically groping him through his pants. Donghyuck is too far gone to be embarrassed by how fucking hard he is already, though in all reality he has no clue how much time has passed. Kissing Jaemin always feels like a fleeting thing, but he could keep doing it forever.

Jaemin’s other hand, which had been clutching the back of his shirt, lets go in favour of slipping lower and lower, until it rests on the small of his back, touching the naked skin where his shirt had slipped loose. The sensation of Jaemin’s skin on his is something so small compared to what they’re doing, yet Donghyuck feels like he’s ascending. It’s a relief when Jaemin presses their lips together again, and Donghyuck is eager to deepen it. Their teeth clash and the kiss is wet and messy, but neither of them care enough to stop. The sweetness of Jaemin washes away the bitter aftertaste of the one too many drinks Donghyuck consumed tonight, leaving a far better flavour in its wake.

The hand on his crotch disappears, making Donghyuck whine in protest, but Jaemin drinks up the sound. So instead Donghyuck takes Jaemin’s lower lips between his teeth, tugging. He can feel Jaemin grin against is mouth, and it’s euphoric.

They’re both panting, the only sound in the room besides the muffled music coming from outside the door. Jaemin rests his forehead against Donghyuck’s, and for a moment Donghyuck thinks he’s going to pull away completely. But Jaemin doesn’t break eye contact, just keeps looking at him with that hooded gaze which makes Donghyuck’s insides tingle and heat pool in the pit of his stomach.

Distantly he feels Jaemin put his hand on his waist, his grip only just not strong enough to hurt. Donghyuck melts at the touch, basically purrs when Jaemin’s grasp softens and he caresses the exposed skin, hand slowly trailing lower.

Only when his hand reaches the waistband of Donghyuck’s pants, tentatively slipping under, does Donghyuck freeze.

Jaemin noticed in an instant, pauses. He seems to search Donghyuck’s face for something, concern shining through his heated gaze. “Is this okay?” He asks, out of breath and mouth still close enough that Donghyuck can feel the words against his lips.

His first instinct is to say no, put an end to it before it can go too far, but it’s only out of principle. Thoughts are racing through his head and he realises to his own surprise that he _wants_ this, with Jaemin. He wants _him_.

_Fuck it_ , is his last thought before he nods fervently, putting a hand on Jaemin’s nape to pull him back in.

Jaemin returns the kiss with the same eagerness, before mumbling against his lips, “say it.”

Despite the smile Donghyuck can feel against his lips, he knows Jaemin means it. He won’t do anything unless he’s sure Donghyuck wants it, and if there had been any doubts left in the first place they disappear at those words.

He breaks the kiss and lifts Jaemin’s jaw, forcing him to look into his eyes. Then, slowly, he smiles. “Do your very worst, Na.”

Jaemin’s mouth curls up into a cutting smile and he looks ready to ravish Donghyuck entirely. Donghyuck finds that he wouldn’t really mind.

Jaemin kisses him hard before pulling back. Donghyuck isn’t sure what to expect, but his eyes widen when Jaemin slips off of his lap and pushes Donghyuck’s legs apart. Then, eyes fixated on Donghyuck’s crotch, Jaemin gets on his knees on the dirty bathroom floor, right between Donghyuck’s legs. Donghyuck can hardly breathe, heart racing in his chest with anticipation.

Jaemin wastes no time before unbuttoning Donghyuck’s jeans. Their eyes meet then, as he looks up with a loaded gaze. Donghyuck is so enraptured that it catches him by surprise when Jaemin slowly pulls his zipper down.

It’s hypnotising, watching Jaemin lick his bottom lip before reaching for the waistband of Donghyuck’s boxers, slowly pulling it down to free his cock. Donghyuck can’t help but gasp when the cold air hits his already fully hard cock, and Jaemin’s mouth curves into a satisfied smile.

There’s no warning before Jaemin wraps his hand around Donghyuck’s length. He whimpers, already utterly defeated, as Jaemin spreads the precome and slowly begins to stroke him.

With every pump Donghyuck releases a loud breath, just barely able to keep himself upright. He belatedly wishes they’d chosen a more comfortable place for this, but then Jaemin’s pace picks up and he loses all ability to think.

“God, you’re so sensitive,” he hears Jaemin marvel, voice low.

“Shut. Up.” His words are punctuated by soft moans, completely washing away the threat. Jaemin grins, all teeth, before suddenly letting his hand halt.

The whine Donghyuck lets out is embarrassingly loud, but _fuck_ , he was so close and Jaemin might just be the actual devil incarnate.

“Please,” he begs, thrusting up into Jaemin’s hand.

Next thing he knows the hand is gone completely, and he’s so frustrated he could cry. “Jaem.”

Jaemin hushes him, reaching for the collar of his shirt to pull him down into a kiss. It’s unexpectedly soft, and Donghyuck becomes a puddle beneath his lips.

“I want you to come in my mouth,” Jaemin mumbles against his lips, sending heat straight to Donghyuck’s dick. His mouth suddenly feels dry as he swallows and nods, dazed.

It’s all encouragement Jaemin needs. He lets go of Donghyuck and lowers his head while his hand reaches for his leaking cock once more.

Donghyuck hisses at the contact and usually he would hate how easy Jaemin can get a reaction out of him, how compliant he is to his every whim, but it feels too good to complain. He closes his eyes and throws his head back when Jaemin strokes him once, twice, and pauses. A second later there’s the wet feeling up Jaemin’s tongue licking a long stripe on the underside of his cock and Donghyuck forgets how to breathe.

Jaemin is relentless, though, and right after he takes the tip of his cock in his mouth, sucking ever so slightly, and it’s already enough to drive him mad. Donghyuck blindly reaches for Jaemin’s head, burying his hand in his hair to ground himself, but it’s no good. As Jaemin moves to take him deeper, Donghyuck’s grip on his hair instinctively tightens.

Wrong move. Jaemin’s mouth opens wider as he moans around his dick, the vibrations almost making Donghyuck come right there and then. There’s no way he’ll last much longer.

He dares to let his eyes flutter open, glancing down at Jaemin, and groans. It’s a sight to behold, Jaemin’s swollen pink lips wrapped around his dick as he looks up at him with a heated gaze, sweat sticking blue hair to his forehead. Jaemin pulls back with an audible _pop_.

“Like what you see?” He doesn’t wait for Donghyuck to answer before diving in again, taking him into his mouth deeper than before, only stopping once his cock hits the back of Jaemin’s throat.

“God,” he moans when Jaemin swallows around him. “Jaem, I—”

He’s humming now, and it’s pleasure unlike anything Donghyuck has ever felt before. Here, in Yuta’s dirty bathroom smelling of booze and something less pleasant, far past midnight, Donghyuck thinks he could die and wouldn’t regret a thing.

Donghyuck is vaguely aware that he’s blabbering, chanting Jaemin’s name like a prayer every time Jaemin bobs his head, and at this point he can barely stop himself from fucking into the wet cave of Jaemin’s mouth. The bruising grip Jaemin has on his hip simultaneously makes it worse and better, as the touch sends more pleasure fizzling under his skin but manages to keep him in place, give or take.

When Jaemin swirls his tongue around his dick in some mind-numbing way, he can feel himself reaching his limit. “Jaemin, _Jaem_ , _please_ ,” he whimpers. Jaemin doesn’t stop, maintains eye-contact as Donghyuck continues to beg.

Then, suddenly, slowly, Jaemin fucking _winks_ and to Donghyuck’s mortification (much, much later) that’s what topples him over the edge.

He barely gets out a warning before he’s coming in Jaemin’s mouth, just like he’d asked for earlier and Donghyuck is heaving at this point, certain this is the best orgasm he’s ever had.

The aftermath leaves him feeling boneless and he slumps, falling backwards ever so slightly before Jaemin’s hands on his side stabilise him. “Woa, woa, careful there, Duckie.”

At the nickname he opens his eyes — when did he close them again? — and exhales shakily when Jaemin wets his lips with his tongue, licking away the cum that had spilled at the corner of his mouth.

He wants to move, return the favour, but he’s exhausted, barely able to keep his eyes open. Jaemin’s gaze is soft as he moves Donghyuck’s hair from his eyes. “It’s okay, I can take care of it.”

His heart clenches at how Jaemin is always able to read him, even now. He _wants_ to help him though, take care of him the way he’d taken care of Donghyuck. He whines lowly, reaching for Jaemin and pulling him in for a soft kiss. There’s a bitter taste — that of his own come, he dimly realises, the thought making him dizzy.

Jaemin is smiling against his mouth, making his insides flutter, and despite the place they’re in, despite the earlier rush and despite these past few weeks, Donghyuck feels content. Warm, safe and so, so content.

Once Jaemin pulls back, Donghyuck allows his head to fall on Jaemin’s shoulders, nearly nuzzling into the other’s neck.

He feels more than hears Jaemin chuckle. “Tired?”

Donghyuck hums, nodding. Jaemin stays silent for a minute before seemingly making up his mind. Donghyuck is barely aware of what’s happening, sleepiness turning his surroundings fuzzy, but one minute he’s sitting on the edge of the bathtub, the next he’s laid out in the bath with Jaemin hovering over him. It’s not the most comfortable thing, and he knows his back will hurt like a bitch tomorrow, but he’s too tired to care.

He does protest when Jaemin tries to move away, taking hold of his hand before he’s out of reach.

“Stay,” he pleads, voice rough.

There’s a moment that he thinks Jaemin will refuse, when he averts Donghyuck’s gaze with a small frown. Donghyuck tugs on his hand again, insistent, and Jaemin’s reluctance seems to melt away as he lets himself be pulled into the bathtub with Donghyuck.

It’s cramped, and even more uncomfortable than before, but Jaemin’s arms are warm when they wrap themselves around him, and Donghyuck thinks he could get used to this. He can feel Jaemin’s dick, still hard, and starts reaching down, but Jaemin stops him.

“It’s fine, baby.” Donghyuck’s breath staggers at the term of endearment. Jaemin lifts up his head, smiling at him with a hooded gaze. “Baby,” he repeats, without a doubt noticing the way it makes Donghyuck squirm, “you did so well.” Soft lips are pressed to Donghyuck’s forehead, so gentle it makes him want to cry. “You can rest now.”

Donghyuck relents, closing his eyes with a sigh when Jaemin’s head drops on his shoulder again. He giggles slightly at the ridiculousness of it all and feels Jaemin huff out a small laugh into the crook of his neck as well. Outside the door the music is still playing loudly, voices rising up above it every now and then, but it’s like another universe. Here, in this dirty bathroom, Jaemin and Donghyuck have created a little world of their own, and Donghyuck wishes they could stay like this forever.

He’s shaken awake by a gentle hand on his shoulder and a familiar voice calling his name.

“Hyuck.”

His head feels like it’s filled with cotton and he tries to turn, groaning when his back aches in protest. Only then does he open his eyes, surprised when instead of his soft mattress his body is lying on something hard and cold. The bathtub.

Memories of the previous night come crashing back. Donghyuck shoots upright, flinching when the abrupt movement shoots a white hot pain through his head. The hand — Mark’s hand — moves to his shoulder, rubbing slowly while he’s saying something, maybe asking if he’s okay.

The more Donghyuck remembers from the previous night, the further from okay he feels, but he wills himself to keep it together. He scans the room, squinting against the harsh light falling through the open door, and feels his heart sink when he realises there’s no one besides him but Mark.

“Hyuck, do you feel sick?”

Donghyuck tries to focus on his best friend’s voice, shakes his head mutely as he meets his concerned look. He tries to remember the comfort of warm skin against his, the safety that had lulled him to sleep. Now he only feels cold.

His traitorous heart still whispers, still hopes for a misunderstanding.

Tentatively, he asks, “where’s Jaemin?”

A chain of emotions pass through Mark’s eyes — surprise, confusion, understanding and, finally, pity. Donghyuck knows what he’s going to say even before he opens his mouth.

“He left hours ago.” There’s regret in his voice, but Donghyuck appreciates the honesty.

He nods, once, and then keeps nodding until he feels his face crumple and the first tear rolls down his cheek. Mark is there in an instant, pulling him into his arms and hushing him with words of comfort that Donghyuck can barely hear. He’s full on sobbing now, hands digging into Mark’s back as he holds on for dear life and allows himself to feel all the pain he’s been suppressing, to finally fall apart.

He’s scared that the moment he runs out of tears, when the pain will have flooded out of his body, there will be nothing left of him but a heavy head and a hollow chest.

“Jisung is coming over later, if that’s okay.”

Donghyuck purses his lips, biting back a snappy response. Mark is just being considerate, he knows this, but just because his heart’s been broken doesn’t mean _he_ is. Yet Mark has been walking on eggshells these past two days, not daring to mention any of their friends and looking guilt-ridden every time he answers a text in their group chat.

“You don’t need to ask,” he answers with a sigh. “This is your flat as much as it’s mine, Mark.”

“Yeah, but…”

God, had Donghyuck known _this_ would be the consequence of telling Mark what’d happened, he would’ve just stayed quiet.

“No buts. Besides, I miss Jisungie, he’s been so busy lately.” With school and a big dance competition coming up, their youngest friend has barely had time to hang out with them anymore. Donghyuck would be glad to see him again.

Mark still seems hesitant, but gives in, “okay, if you’re certain.”

Less than an hour later Jisung is settled on the sofa in between the two of them, trying to wiggle out of Donghyuck’s arms.

“My baby,” Donghyuck fake cries, “it’s been so long.”

Jisung wrinkles his nose. “I saw you like a week ago.”

Stroking his hair, Donghyuck shakes his head resolutely. “Far, far longer than that, my child.”

Meanwhile, Mark is sitting on the other side of the sofa, not bothering to hide his amusement. There was also relief hidden behind his smile, telling Donghyuck that he’s not the only one glad with the bout of normalcy.

Jisung eventually stops struggling, as he always does, but makes sure to keep his displeasure obvious with the huge pout he’s sporting. “Mark-hyung, can we watch that movie I talked about now?”

“Sure,” Mark chuckles, getting up to fetch the DVD. _Who the hell still owns DVDs in the year of 2020?_ Donghyuck wonders for the second time that day. The glare he’d received from Mark earlier stops him from asking again.

“I’m glad to see you’re feeling better,” Jisung suddenly says.

Donghyuck’s winces at the pain shooting through his neck when he turns his head in a too quick motion, alarmed. “Huh?”

Surely, Mark hadn’t told him what happened?

“Mark-hyung told us you caught a cold,” Jisung says, clearly confused by Donghyuck’s reaction. “That’s why you weren’t answering our texts, right?”

There is a hint of suspicion in his gaze now, and Donghyuck quickly grins to hide his relief.”Right, but as you can see I’m doing better now!”

Jisung observes him with narrowed eyes, but thankfully Mark reenters the room before he can press further.

They settle down, Mark setting up the movie while Donghyuck goes to get some chips from their kitchen and Jisung already buries himself in blankets. It’s a close fit, the three of them in their cramped sofa, but they’ve made it work with more people before.

They talk as they wait for the ads to end — _this is why DVDs suck, Mark. Isn’t there a skip option?_ — and that’s when the topic of Jisung’s busy schedule is brought up again.

“I’m tired, but it’s the good kind of tired,” he admits, leaning into Mark. Both Mark and Donghyuck nod in understanding. “I’ve missed you guys, though.”

As usual with Jisung’s affection, the words are said casually, like it’s no big deal, and Donghyuck tries not to show just how much it warms his heart.

Suddenly, Jisung turns to Donghyuck. “You’re coming Friday, right?” He asks, eyes hopeful.

Donghyuck blinks. He hadn’t thought about it yet. Would Jaemin be there? He usually is. Can Donghyuck really handle seeing him so soon?

Sensing his hesitance, Jisung begins to plead, “please, please, please! Jaemin-hyung and Chenle can’t come either, it’ll be so lame otherwise.”

“Hey,” Mark protests weakly, but Jisung ignores him.

“Jaemin isn’t coming?” Donghyuck asks Jisung, but his eyes are on Mark. His friend visibly blanches, and it’s all Donghyuck needs to see to know that whatever’s coming, Mark knew about it.

Jisung huffs, unaware of Donghyuck’s caution and Mark’s panic. “Yeah, he’s ditching us for some date. Yangyang, I think his name was?” He turns to Mark for affirmation.

“Uh, yeah. Yangyang.”

Donghyuck leans back into the sofa, feeling faint. His heart goes through a whirlwind of emotions he struggles to hide, before eventually the emptiness from before resurfaces.

A date.

Not even a week has passed.

There’s a bitterness on his tongue Donghyuck _knows_ he has no right to feel. He’s never had any claim on Jaemin, what they did was—

Nothing. It was nothing.

A hand squeezes his knee and he doesn’t need to look to know it’s Mark. He’s slightly irritated that Mark had tried to hide this from him, but then again Donghyuck knows he’d do the same if the tables were turned. Still, he’ll talk to him about it later, tell him there’s no need to be so careful. Donghyuck will have to learn how to deal with this hole in his chest one way or another, so he might as well rip the bandaid off in one go.

Time passes. That Friday Donghyuck meets up with the others, excluding Jaemin, and it goes fine, mostly. Every now and then he catches Renjun staring at him with a bemused look in his eyes, like he’s trying to figure something out, but Donghyuck decides it better not to ask. There’s an awkward tension when Jaemin is brought up, one that tells Donghyuck that Mark isn’t the only one at the table who’s been told what happened. Jisung is the only one who remains blissfully unaware, too focused on his food to sense the uncomfortable atmosphere.

After that week Donghyuck consecutively comes up with excuses to not make it to the next ones. It only takes three weeks for them to seemingly give up on asking, which should probably hurt more than it does, but as it is Donghyuck can only bring himself to be relieved. The thought of facing Jaemin isn’t one he can bear right now, not yet.

At first Mark tries to join him in his self-inflicted seclusion, but it only takes a slap on the arm and a glare for Donghyuck to convince him that’s a stupid idea. He knows Mark is angry for him, being a protective friend as always, but the fact is just that there’s nothing to be angry about. Jaemin never did anything Donghyuck didn’t want, quite the opposite. All the hurt he’s feeling, as much as he hates to admit it, is his own fault, and _only_ his.

So instead Mark convinces him to hang out with him, Yuta and his friends, so that he ‘doesn’t become a complete hermit’. Mark’s words, not his.

The downside of this is that Yuta’s friends includes Johnny, who’s naturally quick to grow suspicious about his sudden eagerness to join them.

“Did you and the others fight?” He asks the second time, frowning in concern.

Donghyuck shakes his head, glad that he doesn’t have to lie. “No, we’re okay.”

When he sees that Johnny isn’t ready to let it go yet, he raises his eyebrows.

“If you don’t want me to be here, you can just say so,” he says, pouting for good measure, “Johnny-hyung.”

Score.

Johnny’s eyes grow wide and he quickly shakes his head. “Of course I don’t mind, Hyuck. I just wanted to make sure everything is okay.”

_It will be._ “Yeah, everything’s fine.”

Johnny leaves him alone after that, but Donghyuck still feels his worried gaze on him every now and then, making his chest feel heavy.

Another downside is Yuta. Yuta with Mark, to be precise. As much as Donghyuck is glad to see his best friend happy and in love, their level of PDA is borderline gross. Granted, it’s more on Yuta than on Mark — constant back hugs, cheek kisses, even pulling Mark on his lap in the middle of the cafe, making a furious blush rise to the latter’s cheeks. Mark’s heart eyes are strong enough to compete with all that though, in Donghyuck’s humble opinion.

So yeah, he’s happy for them, but he’s also selfish at heart. And unfortunately, said heart is still recovering from his own dumb mistakes, so seeing Mark and Yuta act all lovey-dovey is just rubbing salt in the wound. With every spark of jealousy, he resents himself a bit more. If these past events have proven anything, it’s how shitty of a friend Donghyuck can be.

Which leads him to not join them anymore at all. Mark is visibly upset when Donghyuck tells him to go without him, and he kind of hates himself for taking away some of his best friend’s happiness, but what’s new. He finds that staying in bed, drowning himself in netflix shows and avoiding all text notifications is the best way to recovery.

“Avoidance isn’t recovery, Donghyuck,” Mark says, sounding tired.

Which, well. Rude.

True, maybe, but that doesn’t mean he has to say it.

“It’s not like I actually _need_ recovery,” he says instead, doing as poor of a job convincing Mark as he does himself. “I’m just getting over a silly crush.”

Mark sighs, but has long given up on arguing. “Well, the guys miss you a lot. So whenever you’re ready, know that they’ll welcome you back with open arms.”

He thinks of waking up cold and disoriented, and utterly alone. “Sure.”

Donghyuck has felt many things towards Jaemin in the weeks that have passed. Some anger, at times, though he knows it’s misplaced. A lot of bitterness, which is unsurprising due to who Donghyuck is as a person. Shame, that he let himself get carried away like that in the first place. Longing too, but that pill is a lot harder to swallow.

Regret. Not for what he, they, did, not really, but for the consequences their actions carried. With every day he spends avoiding his friends, avoiding Jaemin, the feeling that he’ll never be able to recover what they used to have grows.

The only thing that feels right is to blame himself. He’s the one blowing things out of proportion, for the second time now. And that after _he_ made the first move.

Mark, as usual, disagrees. “You’re allowed to feel upset over this.”

It’s the one thing they keep coming back to. Donghyuck rolls his eyes.

“It’s not like we fucked, Mark. It shouldn’t be a big deal.”

“You’ve never gone that far with anyone before, though. That takes a lot of trust, and by leaving you Jaemin broke that trust, whether he did it knowingly or not.”

“He didn’t,” Donghyuck snaps. Maybe he shouldn’t be so quick to defend him, but blaming him seems wrong. “We were both drunk. It wasn’t supposed to mean anything.”

Mark looks at him with sad eyes. “But it did.”

Donghyuck can’t argue with that.

Around the same time as Donghyuck stopped going to the Friday lunch meetings, he muted all of his most recent chats, with the exception of Mark. He’s not enough of a masochist to make himself watch as his friends have fun without him, even if it is by his choice.

So when he unlocks his phone, there’s a bubble by his texting app saying that he has 87 missed notifications, which he pointedly ignores. Instead he opens Instagram, scrolling through it absentmindedly while he bobs his head along with the song that’s currently playing. Every now and then he hearts a picture of a celeb he likes, or of a meme that makes him snort. Once he reaches the end of his feed he pauses. Then, making another stupid impulse decision, he clicks on the search option and starts to type.

The name Yangyang had seemed familiar, and once he spots the first profile that pops up he knows why. His heart sinks. He shares a morning class with Yangyang and from what little conversation they’d had, he’d seemed nice. Funny. Donghyuck had instantly liked him.

Which means that he can’t even hate the guy Jaemin is dating. Great.

He clicks on the profile and lets out a pained sound when he sees that the latest picture is one of Jaemin and Yangyang. Together. Hugging and looking at the camera with wide grins. His finger lingers over the picture before clicking, only to close the entire app the moment he spots hearts in the caption.

Jealousy claws its way up from his stomach until it forms a lump in his throat that brings on the stinging of tears in his eyes. He blinks them away, inhales shakily. He doesn’t need to imagine what it’d be like to be the one in Jaemin’s arms, he’s been there. But he didn’t know, then, how much it truly meant to him. Now he does — there’s only so long you can deny your own feelings, and Donghyuck has long crossed that line — but it’s too late.

One day, when he’s strong enough, he’ll be able to smile sincerely at Jaemin and congratulate him for finding someone. For now, that day still feels eons away.

Donghyuck wakes up to the sound of buzzing. He feels bleary and already regrets falling asleep in the middle of the day, something that’s been prone to happen lately. It doesn’t take long for him to realise the incessant sound is coming from his phone and he blindly reaches for it.

Cracking one eye open, he glances at the screen.

_nana !! is calling_

His eyes snap open and he hurries himself upright before pausing, eyes glued to the screen. Why would Jaemin be calling him? Surely, if something bad had happened he would call someone else? Yeah, he’s not that much of an idiot.

Donghyuck steadily calms down as the ringing finally stops. He doesn’t want to talk to Jaemin. Actually, no, he does, but he no longer knows how to act around him. Just the other day he’d seen a glimpse of blue out of the corner of his eye and before he knew it he was rushing the other way, going on pure instinct. Where Jaemin had activated his ‘fight’ response the night of the party, it seems that Donghyuck is now stuck in constant flight.

Pressing on the missed calls notifications, he sees that Jaemin has called twice already. Concern bubbles up in his chest, but he pushes it aside. There are no voicemails, so it can’t be that important.

Still, just to be sure, he opens his texting app. It’s about time he goes through his missed notifications, so he might as well do that now.

His breath catches in his throat when he sees the most recent text, from Jaemin. Before he can read it, he scrolls down. Later.

He briefly goes through his other texts. Jisung and Chenle asking when they’ll see him again, Jeno sending pictures of his cats with ‘get well soon!’ texts attached to it and vague threats from Renjun. He frowns at that last one, recalling the conversation they had that one time. He reads the texts again before shrugging. Maybe he’s just paranoid, he could be imagining the threatening tone of the texts. Besides, the most recent texts seem nothing but sincere, asking Donghyuck if he’s okay. He tries to respond to all of his friends in a short but casual manner, like he hasn’t been avoiding them for like a month, assuring them that he’s doing fine and that he’ll make time for them soon.

His eyes linger on the group chat, which has been dead for three days. He briefly wonders if they’ve made a new one without him, before discarding the thought. They’ve been friends for too long and have weathered worse fights, but never have they thought of leaving anyone out. He trusts his friends more than anything, they wouldn’t do that.

He looks through it to get a gist of their last conversation. Guilt washes over him when he sees that they were talking about lunch Friday and more specifically, why Donghyuck couldn’t make it this time. Mark clearly tried, but Donghyuck can’t blame him for running out of excuses, he’s put his friend in a tough position. The others had ganged up on him to ask for the real reason for Donghyuck’s absence, and he hadn’t been able to give them a proper answer. Donghyuck bites his lip as he keeps reading.

**tall baby**   
finals are still months away, there’s no way hyung is already studying for them no offence

**loser hyung <3   
**Guys I’m just telling you what he told me

**my satanic other half  
** yeah right remind me when donghyuck lost the ability to speak for himself?

**( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ  
** he hasn’t answered any of our texts for weeks…

**loser hyung <3   
**Look, he’s just had a lot on his mind lately He’ll come to you once he’s ready

**evil fairy (do NOT trust!!)  
** oh so now it’s not about studies?

**loser hyung <3   
**Guys…

**nana !!**   
it’s because of me right

Donghyuck’s frown deepens as he bites his lower lip. He’s been so caught up in his own turmoil that he hadn’t really thought about how all of this affected Jaemin. Sure, he’s aware that Jaemin probably misses him too, but he’d never considered that he might feel guilty about what happened. In Donghyuck’s mind, Jaemin has never been at fault in the first place.

**tall baby  
** why would it be because of you??

**loser hyung <3   
**Jaemin, it’s not like that

**nana !!  
** so i’m right then

**my satanic other half  
** jaemin didn’t do anything wrong   
so how about donghyuck actually faces him so they can talk this dumb shit out

**loser hyung <3   
**I can’t force him to do anything he doesn’t want to, you know that   
Like I said, he’ll talk when he’s ready   
You should respect that

**my satanic other half  
** sure

**( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ  
** babe…

**my satanic other half  
** yeah yeah whatever   
we’ll give him his time

Donghyuck exhales slowly, once again feeling grateful for Mark. He’ll have to find a way to make it up to him once all this is over, or at least to show him how thankful he is for the support Mark has given him.

He will start by putting an end to this.

He exits the group chat and scrolls up, clicking on Jaemin’s text. A short scroll through the chat shows Donghyuck that Jaemin has been messaging him frequently, and his heart clenches with guilt.

**nana !!** _15 days ago  
_ hey can we talk?

**nana !!** _14 days ago  
_ i saw you in the hallway this week   
are you avoiding me?   
i’ll take that as a yes

**nana !!** _12 days ago  
_ did i do something wrong??   
i’m sorry idk why you’re mad at me   
but whatever it is i’m sorry

**nana !!** _9 days ago  
_ look if you don’t want to see me that’s fine but the others miss you, especially jisungie   
if you want i'll stay away but at least talk to them

**nana !!** _2 days ago_   
is this about what happened at the party?   
please talk to me

**nana !!** _today, 00:21  
_ i miss you

Just as he finished reading, his phone starts to vibrate again. He panics, almost throwing his phone across the room again before he forces himself to take a deep breath. _I got this_.

With a shaking finger, he presses ‘accept call’.

A few seconds pass, the only sound over the line slow breaths. He guesses that Jaemin hadn’t expected him to actually answer.

Clearing his throat, Donghyuck decides to take the first step.

“Hi,” he says, voice small.

Jaemin exhales on the other side of the line, almost a laugh. “Hi. It’s been a while.”

“Yeah,” Donghyuck agrees, hesitant. “I’m sorry for that.”

“I’m sure you had your reasons.” Considerate, as always. Suddenly Donghyuck can’t think of why he’d held this off for so long. As if things with Jaemin could ever be anything but easy, no matter what happened.

“Jaemin—”

“Duckie, I’m sorry,” Jaemin cuts in, sounding fragile. “I feel like I crossed some kind of line, and the last thing I ever wanted to do was make you uncomfortable.”

Donghyuck shakes his head before realising Jaemin can’t see him. “We both crossed multiple lines, Nana, but you never did anything to make me feel uncomfortable. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Silence stretches out between them as Jaemin mulls over these words. When he speaks up again, the relief in his voice is audible.

“Could we talk then? Properly, I mean.” There’s no pressure, only a request. “There are some things I need to get off my chest, it’s about time you knew.”

His words should spike some kind of fear in Donghyuck, but the calming lull of Jaemin’s voice keeps it at bay.

“Yeah,” he says slowly, “there are some things I need to tell you as well.” It’s time.

“Tomorrow?” Rustling, like Jaemin is moving around.

“Sure.”

He should say goodbye now, but something stops him. He can feel Jaemin waiting expectantly, like he knows there’s something more Donghyuck wants to say. It wouldn’t surprise him if he does.

“Jaemin?” He calls out, if only to hold off from asking a moment longer.

“I’m here,” Jaemin says softly. Donghyuck can’t help but smile.

“We’ll be okay, right? Whatever happens tomorrow, we’ll be good?”

There’s something awfully close to affection lacing Jaemin’s words when he answers, “of course, Duckie. Always.”

He nods, content. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow?”

Jaemin hums and they exchange goodbyes before hanging up.

Donghyuck sinks back into his bed the moment the call ends, trying to collect his thoughts.

Tomorrow. He’ll tell Jaemin tomorrow.

It’s silent. Jaemin is sitting next to him in the sofa, the both of them staring at the black television screen on the wall, sparing careful glimpses at each other whenever the other isn’t watching. Donghyuck can feel that they’re both waiting, but for what he doesn’t know.

“Are you thirsty?” Donghyuck asks, instantly regretting his wording.

Jaemin snorts and Donghyuck feels a weight fall from his shoulders. They’re still the same, still just Jaemin and Donghyuck, friends since middle school. This is the Jaemin he met when he was still wearing braces, which he absolutely hated until Jaemin told him that the pink rubber bands Donghyuck chose that month were pretty. Donghyuck never picked another colour in the year that followed before he got them taken off, and Jaemin never stopped telling him how nice they looked.

That Jaemin would do anything to make Donghyuck smile, and Donghyuck had felt the same. If there’s anything Donghyuck firmly believes in, it’s that this fact never changed.

“That’s not what I meant, get your brain out of the gutter, Na,” he chides, with more care than he usually would.

The smile Jaemin gives him is blinding. “I have no clue what you’re talking about, Lee, but I’d like some water if that’s okay.”

Donghyuck nods, but not before rolling his eyes, then gets up to get two glasses of water. By the time he returns the smile has fallen from Jaemin’s face again and he’s looking down to his lap with a pensive expression. Donghyuck places their glasses on the small table before them and sits down.

“You’ve been avoiding me,” Jaemin says after a small silence.

“Not just you,” Donghyuck tries with a wry smile.

Jaemin’s eyebrows are knit together in a frown. “No, you’ve been shutting all of us out, but I’m not a complete idiot, Donghyuck. It has to do with what happened, right?”

There’s no escaping it, but Donghyuck tries anyway. “We weren’t talking before that either.”

Jaemin presses his lips into a thin line, sensing the unasked question.

“You’re right, and that was my fault.”

“Will you tell me why?” Donghyuck asks tentatively.

Jaemin nods. “If you’ll answer my question after.”

“Sure.” It comes out far more relaxed than Donghyuck feels, and he’s grateful for it.

He gives Jaemin time to gather his thoughts, hiding his anxiousness that grows every passing second. Finally, Jaemin begins.

“You know that time when I asked to talk to you? The first time, after your brother’s party.”

Donghyuck nods.

“It wasn’t about psychology. I mean, I _was_ planning on asking you for help with it,” he gives a sheepish smile, scratching behind his ear, “but when I texted you it was because I was going to talk about, well, you know.”

“The fact that we made out?” Donghyuck asks with a raised eyebrow. If he didn’t know any better, he’d almost think that Jaemin feels shy talking about this.

“Yeah, that.” _Is that a blush?_ “Anyway, I was planning on talking to you and telling you then, but then I arrived and you seemed so… nervous, almost? You’d never been that way around me, so I thought maybe you didn’t want to talk about it, maybe you’d rather just forget it ever happened.”

“That’s a lot to assume,” Donghyuck points out, though in all honesty he isn’t sure how he would have reacted to that conversation back then.

Jaemin looks surprised, as if he hadn’t considered that. “I guess so, now that you say it. I’ve gotten used to making assumptions when it comes to you, it seems. Renjun says I need a reminder sometimes, that I don’t actually have the ability to look into your mind.”

Donghyuck chuckles at that. “Renjun is wise, you should listen to him more often.”

“That’s what I’m doing right now,” he admits. His expression sobers up. “I should’ve just told you then, but I was scared and thought I was doing the right thing for you by ignoring it. Turns out I was repressing some emotions that started building up until I couldn’t keep it in any longer.”

_Should’ve told me what, exactly?_ Donghyuck wants to ask, but he’s afraid to.

“I never did get what your outburst at lunch was about,” he says instead. “What I said was uncalled for, though, and I’m sorry for that.”

Jaemin waves it off with a shrug. “No, I had no right to snap at you like that. What goes on between you and Mark is none of my business after all.

Clown music must be part of the soundtrack of Donghyuck’s life at this point. He doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.

“Jaemin, I swear to god,” he says, slow and clear, “this is the last time I’m saying this. I do _not_ like Mark in that way, I never did and I never, ever will. We have nothing going on and Mark is perfectly happy with his boyfriend.”

Jaemin blinks. Stares at him blankly. For a moment, Donghyuck thinks he might be broken.

“But I thought,” he starts before stopping.

“You thought wrong.”

“But.” He blinks again, small crease forming between his eyebrows.

Donghyuck grabs onto Jaemin’s shoulders, forcing him to look at him. “I’m not in love with Mark.” _You dumb, dumb idiot._

A pink hue spreads over Jaemin’s cheeks. “Okay,” he whispers.

“Good.” He lets go of Jaemin, feeling slightly embarrassed of his actions as he leans back. “So, what, you felt guilty about kissing me because you thought I had something going on with Mark?”

There’s hesitancy in the way Jaemin wrings his hands together, telling Donghyuck that isn’t the entire story.

“Haven’t you figured it out?” Jaemin asks nervously, as if Donghyuck would be asking if that were the case. “Honestly, I thought that was why you were avoiding me.”

“Jaem, I have no clue what you’re talking about.”

It’s almost comical how Jaemin seems to deflate and relax at the same time at these words, as if both his worst fear and biggest hope are confirmed. Then his frown reappears. “But then, why were you avoiding me?”

“No, no, we agreed you would talk first, so talk.” He crosses his arms, waiting.

“Fine,” Jaemin sighs. He’s fidgety in a way Donghyuck has never seen him before and before he has the chance to back out of it he reaches for Jaemin’s hand, squeezing it in reassurance. His hand is warm, slightly sweaty, another sign of his nervousness. Jaemin’s eyes widen for a fraction of a second before his lips curl up in a tiny smile.

“Before I tell you I just want to say, none of what happened was planned. I promise. I was just as drunk as you but even then I probably shouldn’t have done any of what we did.”

Jaemin must notice the way Donghyuck’s face fell, because he hurriedly added, “not that I regret it! I mean, not really? It’s complicated, but what I want to make clear is that I didn’t take advantage of you just because you were drunk or anything.”

“You’re stalling,” Donghyuck says, giving Jaemin an unimpressed look. “I trust you Jaemin, I know you wouldn’t do that.”

“Right. Right.” He lowers his gaze again. “You see, the thing is. I think, no, I know, and have known for a while. But I didn’t think it would amount to something so I didn’t tell you. Except now I’m getting hope again and I really _really_ hope you won’t crush it.”

Shifting closer, Donghyuck takes Jaemin’s hand in his lap. Their eyes finally meet. “Just spit it out, Jaem.”

“I like you. In a more than friends way. Obviously.” Jaemin glances down at their intertwined hands, then back up to Donghyuck’s face. “I like you and I think I might be halfway in love with you and I can’t stop thinking about holding your hand and taking you on dates and it’s honestly getting kind of disgusting.”

Donghyuck’s mind is whirling.

Jaemin likes him back? He hadn’t even considered the option of this happening. His brain is unable to process and he can see Jaemin’s expression slowly turn more somber, he needs to say something but he doesn’t know where to begin and somehow the first words to leave his lips are—

“What about Yangyang?”

Which, okay, valid question. It probably isn’t the best reaction he could give to a confession but he’s trying.

Jaemin is visibly taken aback, if not confused, by the question. “Yangyang?”

“Well, Jisung said you went on a date with him, and I saw his Insta post from a few days ago. You two seemed happy, so I assumed…” He lets the words die in his throat when he sees Jaemin’s pained expression.

“Maybe we should both stop assuming things,” he says, wrinkling his nose in a way that shouldn’t be this cute.

Too busy staring at said nose wrinkle, it takes Donghyuck a while to realise what he just said. When he does, he feels heat creep up to his face. “Yeah, maybe we should.”

“Deal, because Yangyang and I are about as much of a thing as you and Mark are.”

It’s hard to fight off the smile that takes over his face at those words, but it’s a battle he doesn’t mind losing. Still, he has to make sure. “There were hearts in the caption, you can’t blame me for thinking you’re dating.”

Jaemin stares him down, clearly amused. “Did you also see the part of the caption where he called me a ‘cool bro’ and he hoped we could ‘hang some more soon’, or did that escape your notice?”

_Seems like we’re both idiots._

“Jisung said you went on a date though!” He pouts, almost retracting his hand when Jaemin’s grip tightened.

The smile on his face was still present, smaller but somehow more intense. “Were you jealous?” He asks, teasing, and leans in close enough that their foreheads almost touch.

Donghyuck refuses to let his blush intensify. No longer will he succumb to the powers of Na Jaemin, thank you very much.

“As if you can talk about jealousy,” he scoffs, standing his ground.

Jaemin actually does look slightly abashed at the reminder of his earlier confession, but doesn’t back off. He does look away, breaking the spell. “We did go on a date, but it was pretty obvious my heart wasn’t in it. There were no hard feelings and we ended up getting along well. Besides, Renjun was glad that I had someone else to whine to about you, said he couldn’t bear it much longer. I’m pretty sure Jeno felt the same, but he was kind enough not to say it to my face.”

Donghyuck hums. “That explains the glares I’ve been getting from Renjun recently.”

“Yeah, as if Mark was any better.”

They both chuckle at that, leaning into each other.

“Hey,” Jaemin says suddenly, staring into Donghyuck’s eyes with a brilliant smile. It takes his breath away. “Not to rush or anything, but you haven’t really answered my confession yet.”

Donghyuck breathes out a laugh, pushing their foreheads together. “Don’t you already know?”

He feels more than sees Jaemin shrug.

“It would be nice to hear,” he admits softly. “I’ve been waiting for a long time.”

_How long,_ he’s burning to ask, but that can wait. This is long overdue.

“Jaemin,” he breathes, grinning widely. “I really, really like you as well.”

For a moment, Jaemin looks stunned, despite how obvious Donghyuck’s feelings had become over the course of this conversation.

“Nice,” he says, voice breaking. He clears his throat, embarrassment clear on his face. “That’s nice, I mean, good. Yeah.”

Donghyuck almost feels bad for laughing at him, but it’s too endearing not to.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Jaemin continues, subdued, “why did you avoid me, then?”

“Why did _you_ leave me?” Donghyuck retorts, earlier mirth gone from his voice. It’s the question that’s been bugging him for weeks.

Jaemin frowns. “I thought it was what you wanted, I mean, we were both drunk and I thought the last thing you’d want to face when you woke up was me, along with your hangover.”

Lifting his finger, Donghyuck ticks the side of Jaemin’s head. “So many thoughts, and all of them so stupid.”

Jaemin shoves him away, breaking their close proximity and making Donghyuck laugh again in the progress. It’s so much easier to talk about this and even joke around on the topic now that he know that _Jaemin likes him back._

“Seriously, though,” he said once he’d sobered up. “It was a shitty move, leaving me like that without even a goodbye. Maybe you thought it was for the best, but to me it just felt like what we did was a mistake and you wanted to get away from it, from me, as fast as possible.”

“Oh.” Jaemin’s eyes have turned big and sad. “I hadn’t thought of it that way.”

“I can see that now.” He makes sure to smile at Jaemin, let him know he isn’t mad. “To be honest, I’m not sure what I would’ve done if I’d been the one to wake up first that day. Chances are I would’ve panicked and bolted as well.”

Jaemin tuts his lips, as if considering this, then scrunches up his face. “Yeah, that would’ve hurt me pretty bad as well.” Taking Donghyuck’s hand in his again, he meets his eyes. “I’m sorry, Duckie. I’ll make it up to you someway or another, I promise.”

“Make it up to me, huh.” Donghyuck leans closer to Jaemin, smiling. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“Sure,” Jaemin laughs, sounding fond.

“Also, you’re legally not allowed to leave me ever again.” Donghyuck tries and fails to sound petulant, if Jaemin’s grin is anything to go by.

“You’ll hear no objection from me, darling,” comes his reply. “In fact, I’m good with staying by your side for a long, long time.”

There’s no way Donghyuck can mask his giddiness at those words. Jaemin’s eyes seem to sparkle as he looks at him.

“Speaking of,” Jaemin continues with a tinge of nervousness, but his smile somehow just grows wider, “wanna be my boyfriend?”

_Boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend boyfriend_ , his heart sings as the word repeats himself in his head and he nods, fervently, accidentally knocking their heads together in the process. They both let out a groan, still smiling, Donghyuck breathless and Jaemin laughing disbelievingly.

“Look at us, talking about our feelings like adults,” Donghyuck jokes, making Jaemin laugh more.

“Only took us like, what, a month?”

Donghyuck bites his lip, considering. He doesn’t miss the way Jaemin’s eyes follow the movement. “I would’ve expected worse from us, to be honest.”

“Good point.” Jaemin leans in again, lopsided smile on his lips. “Hey, boyfriend.”

Donghyuck lets out a giggle. “Yes, boyfriend?”

“Now that the feelings talk is over… how about we make up for lost time?” It’s impossible to miss the way Jaemin’s gaze is glued on his lips. Donghyuck licks his lower lip, and Jaemin mirrors the action.

His cheeks are starting to hurt from smiling too much, but he can’t stop. Instead of answering he presses a short kiss to the corner of Jaemin’s mouth. When he leans back, Jaemin follows, slotting their lips together.

It’s sweet, unlike the heated kisses they shared at the parties. More than that, it lacked the strong taste of alcohol, and Donghyuck thinks he likes this far better already. Judging by the way he can feel Jaemin’s lips curl up against his own, his boyfriend feels the same.

Maybe Donghyuck should have sent Mark some kind of text that everything worked out, or a warning of sorts, but his mind is preoccupied with other things. Namely, Jaemin’s lips and Jaemin’s hands on his waist and Jaemin’s tongue in his mouth.

So preoccupied, in fact, that he doesn’t even notice the door to their flat has opened until he’s startled by a loud shriek. In his surprise he nearly jumps off of Jaemin’s lap, but the latter’s hands keep him in place.

Mark is staring at them, jaw dropped, then blinks quickly before clearing his throat. “Right, uhm.”

Donghyuck bites back a nervous laugh, half mortified and half amused. Jaemin, on the other hand, clearly only sees the funny aspect of this as he dissolves into laughter.

“Surprise?” Donghyuck tries with a sheepish smile.

“I’m glad you two finally talked it out,” Mark says. It looks like he’s about to go to his own room then before he pauses, regarding them with suspicion. “You _did_ talk, right?”

After everything he’s put Mark through, he can’t even blame him for the thinly veiled accusation. He nods, smiling when Jaemin sneaks his arms completely around his waist and rests his chin on Donghyuck’s shoulder.

“We did, Mark-hyung,” Jaemin says, “and now I scored myself a gorgeous boyfriend!”

Donghyuck’s entire face flushes at that, but he doesn’t say anything, basking in his own happiness. He can see that Mark is happy for him, too, and they share a smile. Then, glancing at Jaemin’s arms around him and then back at Donghyuck with a scrutinizing look, he asks, “about _everything?_ ”

Oh, right. That.

Jaemin makes a confused sound ( _cute_ ) and Mark clearly takes that as a no. He gives Donghyuck the kind of look a parent would give their child while scolding them and Donghyuck pouts in response, giving the slightest of nods to indicate that yes, he _will_ talk about it with Jaemin.

“Okay, I’ll, uh, leave you to it then.” Mark says with a small wave at Jaemin before entering his room, leaving the both of them alone again.

Guided by Jaemin’s hands, Donghyuck turns to face him again, still sitting comfortable on his lap.

“So, what else have you been keeping from me?” Jaemin asks with a sly smile.

Donghyuck huffs out a laugh. “I never kept anything from you, you just assumed, remember?”

Nerves are starting to settle in the pit of his stomach. He looks down.

“It’s not a big deal, really,” he says, trying and failing to soothe himself. It’s not like he thinks Jaemin will be bothered by the fact that he’s a virgin, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about — virginity is a social construct and so on. No, outwardly Jaemin will be nothing but supportive, but the malicious thoughts in the back of his head are telling him that Jaemin would still prefer someone with more experience. Someone for whom he’ll never have to wait.

Jaemin’s hand cups his face, lifting it up gently. There’s nothing but warmth and adoration in his eyes, and something in Donghyuck shifts.

“First of all, let me just make it clear that I don’t regret any of what we did, okay? You said you didn’t, neither did I. Ever.” Jaemin’s smile turns slightly cheeky at the mention of it, but he hums in agreement, caressing Donghyuck’s cheek. The warmth of his hand on Donghyuck’s skin doesn’t do anything to help subdue the blush that is steadily rising to his face. “The thing is, that time in the bathroom.”

Jaemin picks that moment to give him a big wink and Donghyuck bursts out in laughter, head falling in the crook of Jaemin’s neck. “I’m trying to tell you something here.”

He can feel Jaemin laugh along, apologising in between.

“You’re just too easy to tease, Duckie. I can’t help myself.” His voice is dripping with fondness.

Donghyuck gives him a shove. “You’re disgusting.”

“Sure, babe.”

And well, if his face wasn’t on fire before it definitely is now.

“Now, you were saying.”

Right, okay. “That time in the bathroom. You see, that was actually, uh,” he bites his lip, “the furthest I’ve ever gone with someone? Yeah. Just thought you should know.”

“Oh.” Jaemin’s hand freezes. Donghyuck hesitantly looks up to see Jaemin regarding him with wide eyes. “You never…?”

He shakes his head. “Oh,” Jaemin says again.

“Is that a bad thing?” Donghyuck asks, voice small. “For you, I mean.”

“No, no,” Jaemin is quick to reassure him. “I’m just surprised, is all.”

Then, a laugh. “I really went about this completely the wrong way, huh?”

“What do you mean?” Donghyuck’s heartbeat has begun to slow down as he starts to relax.

“I just always assumed—” Donghyuck snorts “—that we were similar when it came to relationships? Or the lack of them. The first time I kissed you, the only reason I did so was because my drunken brain had convinced me that it wouldn’t mean anything to you, anyway. You didn’t like me like that so I might as well take what little you’d be willing to give me, you know?”

“That’s what I thought about you,” he admits. “That what we did didn’t mean anything.”

Jaemin takes Donghyuck’s hand in his, slowly lifting it to drop a kiss on his palm. “Good thing we were both wrong.”

Next, he plants a soft kiss on his cheek.

“You know what?” He continues, not waiting for Donghyuck to answer. “I’ll do it right this time. First I’ll take you on a date, no, on a lot of dates.” A kiss on the corner of his mouth. “We’ll kiss and make out, if you want to.” Another one, this time on the line of his jaw. “No further than that until you’re ready.” A final one, right on his lips.

“And maybe no more parties for a while?” Donghyuck adds.

Jaemin grins. “Yeah, good by me.”

“Good,” Donghyuck repeats, cuddling Jaemin closer as he rests his head on his shoulder. His eyes start to drop when Jaemin strokes him hair, humming softly. It’s peaceful and safe and warm and all Donghyuck needs.

_This is all Mark’s fault_ , he thinks, not for the first time. With a happy sigh, he sinks deeper into Jaemin’s embrace. A gentle kiss is pressed in his hair. Donghyuck resolves to thank Mark tomorrow, maybe even buy him a gift. For now, he’s content to fall asleep in his boyfriend’s arms, feeling impossibly light and so, so loved.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please let me know if you enjoyed it, kudos, comments and bookmarks make my day ♥  
> You can also say hi to me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/tentoheaven)!


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